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The difference between a 'heavy social drinker' and a problem drinker.



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The difference between a 'heavy social drinker' and a problem drinker.

Old 06-19-2010, 08:43 AM
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The difference between a 'heavy social drinker' and a problem drinker.

This was posted by someone in a 'non-drinkers forum' which I frequent sometimes and I just thought it was apt for newcomers who ask that million dollar question: "Am I an alcoholic?".

I think most people expect you to have to be swigging from a flagon on the street to need to quit.

The fact is I got drunk every time I drank. No always legless but I could never have just one. I blacked out at least once a week and often more. Drank for 2 or 3 days no stop etc..... but so did all my friends so why should I have stop???

The reason I had to stop was because my friends could pick their fights so to speak. They could time their benders so they could still function.. work, relationships etc... For me I could not. I would go out for a quiet pint with no intention to go nuts and have responsibilities the next day or whatever and end up out of it. Miss my next days appointment or else turn up still pissed from the night before. Whereas my mates could have quiet nights and know when to stop. I couldn't and that is the difference between a 'heavy social drinker' and a problem drinker. This difference can be very subtle especially in Ireland where everyone gets wasted. When you do stop you can really see it.

Basically after the first drop touched my lips I had no control of what would happen. Sometimes I would get merry and go home and get up and do what ever it was I had to do .. No problem. Nights like these would leave me to believe I was grand and had no problem. But time and time I would get fcuked up and fcuk up.

I lost jobs, lost girlfriends and started to lose my mind. I realised I had to stop five years ago but only managed to stop properly six months ago. Properly meaning for good.

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step but to be honest that did not mean much as I kept drinking for another five years knowing that I had to stop and started to hate myself for not being able to stop.

I did what you did at first. Said "enough is enough i'm done" and stayed off it for about six weeks then started again for a year or so then stopped again and continued with this cycle.

I went to AA a few times but hated the 'God' bull****. But I would go back anyway because there were young guys my age (20s/30s) who were doing the same thing and lots of them were managing to stay off it.

I got sick of this cycle of being on and off so I had enough and went to a treatment centre. For me this changed everything. It was serious this time. I was pissed off to find it was based on the AA program because I still hated the 'God' stuff (and still do).

I have not had a drink for six months now. I feel good. Not great but ok. I was also very social and found missing the pub scene very difficult. There is no doubt about it.... it is very very difficult at the start. I just had to grin and bear it. But I do have support. I go to AA (and just don't do the God thing). This has really helped. Things are getting better too. I watched the match tonight with my mates down the pub. I still feel a bit awkward around drinking but its getting easier.

The reason I wrote such a long reply is that I would have written the exact same post as you did the first time I quit. I didn't manage it then because I really did not want to ask for help because I felt was not that bad. But I did ask for help eventually and now I have stopped. I would hate to see you or anyone else go through the same cycle I did and wait for years before you got help.

My advice to you would be to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about. You don't have to go to rehab or AA but you should talk to someone. A doctor or councilor or someone.

Its good to not be drunk anymore.

Best of Luck.
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Old 06-19-2010, 08:50 AM
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For me, and for most alcoholics I think, it's not what or how much or how often you drink, it's what happens to you when you drink. If it's causing problems in your life it's a good idea to stop drinking, whether you're a daily drinker or a binge drinker.
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Old 06-19-2010, 09:14 AM
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Getting hung up on definitions and labels kept me drunk and killing myself for a loooong time. Once I let it go and realized I was healthier and happier without liquor, I didn't look back.
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Old 06-19-2010, 09:25 AM
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I can't control my drinking. I have many friends, my best friends in fact that are heavy drinkers but they have the ability to stop. When I drink I don't. That doesn't mean every time I drink I get bombed but all too often I do, even when I said I wouldn't.
If I could be a "heavy drinker" booze it up with the best of them but maintain some semblance of control, I wouldn't be here.
Just didn't work out that way... Can't sing either, oh well
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Old 06-19-2010, 09:52 AM
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I think labels can get in the way. If you (not replying to any specific person, just in general) are unable to limit yourself to safe amounts of alcohol (1-2 drinks/day MAX), you have a problem because it is unhealthy to consume more than that. Everything else is bullsh!#. Can you imagine a conversation with a pack a day smoker about how they defined their nicotine addiction? No - it's just unhealthy and needs to stop - end of story.
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Old 06-19-2010, 10:00 AM
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Thanks for posting this.

I get hung up on the labels, as well. Not long after I decide to stop, I convince myself that my binge drinking does not fit the criteria of being an alcoholic. As soon as I do this, it's "game on" and I start the cycle over again.

I think the truth of it is that if I didn't have a problem, I wouldn't try so hard to find a way to rationalize the way I drink.
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Old 06-19-2010, 10:57 AM
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Hi Ronan. I relate to that post quite a bit. I think it's probably quite a typical of a young alcoholics experince in UK/Ireland where binge-drinking is the social norm.

My drinking became obviously alcoholic and I felt like an alcoholic. Also my drug use was pretty heavy during my binges too, so as well as not being able to not take more drinks, then I would always end up buying drugs too. Totally powerless. When I was in the buzz then I wasn't stopping as I loved it too much. It was f*cking great. Even if it wasn't then my alkie mind would tell me that it was. That is why it is so hard to give up. You have to smash yourself down untill you can view yourself as different to most people through pure hard-earned painful experince. Then you gotta accept it 100% and act on it and embrace recovery.


It is very hard as a young person in UK who is alcoholic as it's a grey area in a culture of binge-drinking wreckheads. Drugs like Cocaine, cannabis and well, pretty much them all are so widely used. So it's crucial that you admit and accept that you're an alcoholic or an addict. otherwise then you're certain to take that first drink, spliff or line eventually. May not be the case in other countries but in the UK there is a real culture of drink and drug bingeing and just have big sessions.

For me without knowing and accepting that I'm an alcoholic then I wouldn't stand a chance. That first drink would be taken eventually through total resentment and then I would be off again drinking and drugging. Losing everything.

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Old 06-19-2010, 11:08 AM
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I've come so close to losing so much over the last 15 years or so because of alcohol. Almost lost my life, my wife and kids....came close to losing jobs( don't know how I never got caught)...and so much more.

I still am trying to determine whether I'm just a heavy drinker or if it's a problem.
I know the answer.....just too afraid to admit it.
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Old 06-19-2010, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by mmeat View Post
I know the answer.....just too afraid to admit it.

If you admit it, it means you can no longer drink. That's scary for an alcoholic.
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Old 06-19-2010, 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
Hi Ronan. I relate to that post quite a bit. I think it's probably quite a typical of a young alcoholics experince in UK/Ireland where binge-drinking is the social norm.

My drinking became obviously alcoholic and I felt like an alcoholic. Also my drug use was pretty heavy during my binges too, so as well as not being able to not take more drinks, then I would always end up buying drugs too. Totally powerless. When I was in the buzz then I wasn't stopping as I loved it too much. It was f*cking great. Even if it wasn't then my alkie mind would tell me that it was. That is why it is so hard to give up. You have to smash yourself down untill you can view yourself as different to most people through pure hard-earned painful experince. Then you gotta accept it 100% and act on it and embrace recovery.


It is very hard as a young person in UK who is alcoholic as it's a grey area in a culture of binge-drinking wreckheads. Drugs like Cocaine, cannabis and well, pretty much them all are so widely used. So it's crucial that you admit and accept that you're an alcoholic or an addict. otherwise then you're certain to take that first drink, spliff or line eventually. May not be the case in other countries but in the UK there is a real culture of drink and drug bingeing and just have big sessions.

For me without knowing and accepting that I'm an alcoholic then I wouldn't stand a chance. That first drink would be taken eventually through total resentment and then I would be off again drinking and drugging. Losing everything.

peace

Yeah it's hard to say those magic words to yourself in this kind of culture: "I'm an alcoholic". To be honest I think there's an awful lot of hidden alcoholics thanks to the culture, personally I was so off the wall that my problem was quite apparent to even the hardest drinking of my friends. Even still, for a long time I thought of myself as just a really heavy drinker!


There was a funny quote in AA today when the mention of drugs came up. A guy was saying how he admitted that he never tried drugs when he was drinking and how an old-timer said to him "You fcuking eejit, cause now you can't"
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Old 06-19-2010, 03:11 PM
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Welcome back mmeat

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Old 06-19-2010, 07:58 PM
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I have to agree with Smacked, my twisted mind would love to think that I'm just a problem drinker, heavy drinker or any of the "other than an alcoholic" labels that drunks are defined by so that I could have hope that I could cut back and drink like a normal person... bottom line is I don't, haven't ever and won't drink normally because that's simply something I'm incapable of. Lord knows I've tried so many times.
Time to quit analyzing it and move on... at least for me anyway.
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Old 06-19-2010, 08:16 PM
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Just finished reading A New Pair of Glasses by Chuck C, he says non alcholics never even ask themselves could maybe they be one. The moment that thought comes into our head we have a problem. The next step is the hardest and that is admitting we have a problem. As has been said when we admit the problem we then have to do something about it which means not drinking and that is a scary thought for any alcoholic. I have now been sober for over 13 months, just joined this site today and I am here only because of One Day at a Time.
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Old 06-19-2010, 08:53 PM
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Old 06-20-2010, 04:33 AM
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Originally Posted by soberandloving View Post
Just finished reading A New Pair of Glasses by Chuck C, he says non alcholics never even ask themselves could maybe they be one. The moment that thought comes into our head we have a problem. The next step is the hardest and that is admitting we have a problem. As has been said when we admit the problem we then have to do something about it which means not drinking and that is a scary thought for any alcoholic. I have now been sober for over 13 months, just joined this site today and I am here only because of One Day at a Time.
This is it really. The point of the first post is to give a newcomer the point of view of someone else so they can relate their problems to something.

I'm of the view that if you're doing an "am I an alcoholic" test or posting in a forum like this asking "Am I an alcoholic?" that you pretty much are, because it means that alcohol has obviously become a problem in your life and you don't want to give it up.


My stages of alcoholism went from "I just drink too much" to "I have a bit of a problem and I need to cut back" to "I have a major problem and I most definitely need to try my hardest to control myself" to "I'm an alcoholic and I simply can't drink". Of course I was always an alcoholic looking back, but to say it's as easy as just throwing away all generalizations is wrong in my opinion, because that only came to us at the end when we fully accepted our problem and we're forgetting the journey we took to get to that stage.
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Old 06-20-2010, 05:45 AM
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I dont mean to be pedantic and hope that everyone stay stays sober but my first reaction was that if this post was from someone who say had 10 years sobriety and focussed more in the post, as anyone in sobriety naturally would, on the changes that stopping drinking had made on their life it would hold a lot more weight for me...

That said on day one this guy/girl would have been a legend;-)
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Old 06-20-2010, 05:57 AM
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i dont get it dude
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Old 06-20-2010, 06:41 AM
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Hi Ronan,
Originally Posted by Ronan View Post
This is it really. The point of the first post is to give a newcomer the point of view of someone else so they can relate their problems to something.
I know it was not your intent but I would guess that there are people who have come to this forum to ask themselves that question, am I an alcoholic? and they have read the first post and they have not lost their jobs, relationships and mind like that person talks about and have now come to the conclusion that they cannot possibly be alcoholic.
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Old 06-20-2010, 07:27 AM
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Personally, I think that merely being a "heavy social drinker" IS a problem (and that such a drinker HAS a problem) and also such behavior needs to be addressed on it's own merits as problematic but hopefully before it graduates into "problem drinker" and "alcoholic" as these are all IMO stops on the same train which is heading to the same place for everyone on it...

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Old 06-20-2010, 08:54 AM
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I'm sorry but if you're here, have tried to control your drinking in the past to no avail then you have a drinking problem. There are no cures that will turn a person from one who simply can't control their drinking in to someone who can..
Most of the people here I'm sure, are strong willed, intelligent, caring, good people who if possible would never intentionally drink too much and hurt themselves or others.
but we do, and we do it over and over. Not because we don't care but simply because we can't control it. There are of course different stages, degrees of loss of control but ultimately we are different than others.
I have maybe 7 close friends that I can compare myself to. Two drink a lot, are often drunk and though they are not exactly like me often say they wish they could stop drinking. The others, simply never get too drunk, never have regrets about drinking, never mention not drinking and it's simply not anything they don't have complete control over...
I'll apologize in advance for the poor analogy but If I ate pizza 5 or six times a week and it made me sick sometimes, say every time or every 4th time or every 20th time but I knew that for sure at some point when I ate it again it would make me sick I'd probably give up eating pizza.
My brother, the normal one not the drunk like me, contracted hepatitis after a surgery many years ago and was told he could not drink any more or he could die. He didn't and hasn't. That's what a normal person would do...
We make this difficult only because we are who we are, people who can't control our drinking because we are different. Part of the difference is that though we know we can't we don't want to believe it because we want to be able to drink more than anything and that's what we have to deal with. Only if we are able to realize that there is something more important than being able to drink (like being a happy, healthy, confident, proud etc. person) can we then accept that we are not like others and that we simply can't control our drinking.
Oh and tomorrow when I start thinking I can control my drinking would someone please remind me of this, thanks.
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