I have been on these boards for a few years now and here lately I have been lurking more then I have been posting.
I have been married to my AH for three years but it sure feels like it is a lot longer then that. In the three years that we have been married, I have endured prescription drug abuse, lies, infidelity, more lies, more drug abuse and the list goes on and on. About a year and a half ago I said enough and told my AH that if he did not get help that he would need to find someplace else to live. So my AH went on Suboxone and for a while was attending NA/AA meetings on a regular basis, had a sponsor and from the looks of things was really trying to make an effort and staying clean and working a program.
Fast Forward to today, AH is still on suboxone, attends a meeting about once every three weeks, has no sponsor and as far as I can tell is not even actively looking for one, he sleeps until 2 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon then gets up to go wait tables at a resturant where he brings home on average about 50.00 a night and is making no effort whatsover to better himself in any kind of way. Basically he is the same addict that he was two years ago only now I believe he is getting progressively worse. Bottom line, I can't live like this anymore.
Sunday Night I gave my AH an ultimatium. I told him that he had until December 31st to get his act together, meaning he gets off of the suboxone (we can no longer afford it anyway), works a strong program, gets up at normal hours, helps me around the house and gets a better job or at least makes strides to improve himself such as going back to school or learning a trade. He got really defensive about the suboxone and the sleeping all day which tells me he is in denial of the problem and is not willing the change. He has emptied the dishwashe for me once this week which is more then what he usually does but still.. he is almost 36 years old that is something he should be doing anyway.
I know I'm doing the right thing but why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel guilty and why do I feel like I have failed him as a wife when it is the other way around because he has totally failed me as a husband. Kicking him out will be a huge strain on me financially but I know longer care about that, thats how I know that this relationship is just too painful to stay in.
Has anyone had any experiance with this or have any advice for me?