Erm not good.. we chatted last night and he said he felt he knew it was coming but was devastated. He said he doesn't know the difference between drinking to have a good time or b/c he has a problem. I explained that I also don't knwo the difference b/c I haven't been exposed to thiis "everyday going for a drink" culutre. And that I'm findgin it hard to know if I'm right or wrong due to our cultures being different.
He said that he is willing to give me his life, i.e cut out drinking forever.. but he needs myhelp. How many times have I heard this before?
And I can't babysit him every evening to ensure he doesn't drink, can I? And he even admitted that he sees the time no spent with me as his freedom to drink. That hurt when he said that, but I've always known it to be true. He associates me with not drinking and being a "buzzkill and taking the fun out of everything" as he once said.
He says by losing me hes losing the best thing that ever happened to him, i gave him reason to be alive etc etc... but its not enough is it. I don't mean that to sound like that, but what I mean is I'm not enough to make him want to be better enough and permanently. I'm a temporary fix and then a few days later, he'll make excuses not to see me so he can go for a drink.
I hadn;t contacted him for a few days b/c i was just tired. IWC, in fact, your last post in your topic summed it all up for me.. i'm mentally and physically drained of it al.. I don't want alcohol to play such a big part of my everyday life. After him being wasted the other night, i wasn't even mad. I couldn't get angry, I couldn't get upset with him.. I was just... nothing. Blank. Floating thru the days with no emotion. It was easier bc i didnt see him either.. but last night seeing him, it was difficult to even look at him. I go weak, I want to be with him.
His doc referred him to a psychiatrist and he'll be meeting with them in a few weeks time. He said he can't do it without me, he sees no purpose otherwise. But i told him he cant do it for me, it has to be for himself. I felt awful saying that. And seeing him crying and saying that he's losing his life. career etc.
so at the moment, I'm not good. Sorry for the rant.. but this is all raw as it happened last nite and the thoughts ar eall just coming out.