Been thinking alot since my appointment with my therapist yesterday. Don't mind my ramble here, I'm just getting out my thoughts.
Given everything I told my therapist, she said that it's clear that he was/is conflict avoidant, and doesn't think conflict was a normal, important part of a relationship. As a result, he doesn't have conflict resolution skills, and perhaps literally drowns conflict with alcohol. She said that the majority of marriages fail because of a lack of conflict resolution skills, and that those with addictions almost always lack those skills.
She also said it sounded like his family was conflict avoidant too, given how they turned on a dime with me. And that because that's all he knows, that's how he deals.
This got me to thinking... Someone said to me that you never really know what happens behind closed doors. How true that is... No one knew what was going on in our house, because I wanted to keep this problem hidden. I wanted everyone to continue believing I was living happily ever after, because I wanted to be living that fairytale. But there were/are issues there, that no one but he and I know about (and I think I'm really the only one who's even cognizant of those problems).
X mentioned a few months ago (I can't even know how this came up, it's driving me crazy) that his dad once suffered from depression, and that his mom went with him to counseling. I asked what made him depressed, and how he got out of it. X said he didn't know the why, but knows he just "worked through it, he's a strong man, did it on his own." His dad complains a lot about his mom to his sons (just about things she's doing that bothers him), but I don't believe she has ANY idea that those things bother him. Between them, little things I've observed, it's clear that his dad avoids conflict too.
Makes me wonder if his dad ever had a drinking problem too. His dad still drinks wine socially and with dinner.
X used to say that he was his father's son...