Thanks guys...
It's happened.. I said after last time to myself, one more chance. And he's blown it.
Won't go into details, but basically I was trying to get in touch with him yesterday.. prob gave him loads of missed calls and a few texts.. finally spoke to him and he had been out drinking with his brother.. he was wasted on a Monday nite. Again.
The phone cut out when he got into the lift at his place, an di never heard anything off him, so i text him sayin that "i hoped he'd had a good nite"... bitter i know, but i just hope all that alcohol was f**kin worth it. He replied sayin he was sorry, and something about how his next step would be the hospital. Wasn't sure what he meant by it, but i didnt ask.
He texted again later saying that he thinks he's wasting his counsellors time cos he keeps blowing it with me. Again, not quite sure what he meant, but i'm assuming it meant that the only reason he was going to see a counsellor was b/c of me.
That's a good thing, right? He was at least gettin help.
He had a docs app last week and they referred him to a psychiatrist.. we haven't had a chance to talk about that, and now i dont think we will at all.
He's blown his last chance with me. I'm devastated.. but more just disappointed, fed up and tired. I'm not the one who's gonna make him see what he's doin to himself... or as he says, i do make him see, but obv he cant find the strength to stop the self destruction. I'm heartbroken. I am so in love with this man, its crazy. I was just tellin him the other nite how when he walks into a room, i still get butterflies in my tummy. I saw myself with him forever.. kids, holidays.. the whole lot. I don't know if he knows what hes throwing away. Or maybe he doesnt care.
Maybe there's someone else out there for him.
I havent seen him today as i was working away, but he texted after work saying that hes sorry for f*king up and that he's struggling.
Struggling with what? I know he has depression, and i am so understanding of that. It's his self medicating i have a prob with. He's bn in touch, saying he wants to chat but I havent replied... i dont know what else there is to say anymore.
What can i say or do?