Grace, It's wonderful the progress you're making. You are so right - you can't try to fix everything at once. Tiny baby steps at first. Be kind and patient with yourself. You will grow stronger every day, even when you aren't aware of it.
Mamm, when I said normies can't understand what we go through, I didn't mean they don't try. I feel it's impossible to explain our addiction to those who can drink socially with no ill effects. I myself have been on both sides of this thing - I was the wife of an alcoholic who ended up destroying himself. I tried for many years to understand him and was the classic enabler. Back then, I didn't have the dependence on alcohol that I eventually developed. I had no clue what he went through until I experienced it myself. I have nothing but respect and empathy for those who love an addict and are hurt & baffled by their behavior.
This is a good discussion - thanks, Grace for sharing your journey with us.