Hi Kckman,
It is a good idea to write about your conflicting desires and to see the path where each choice will take you. You are still relatively early in sobriety and I think that is why your craving is strong. It will become easier as time goes by. And, sometimes the weight of being an addict does hang over me and I wish it wasn't there. But, without it, I would not be the person I am today and I'm beginnin to like that person.
Hang in there!
Love, Anna