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Old 06-30-2004, 08:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
knucklehead
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
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i know where i am?


i am sober today and i am holding tight hanging on. i have been so bothered by my addicted self lately. well i guess it just never goes away. i will just have to accept the fact that i will always be challanged. all because i allowed myself to become dependent on a substance. i will never be free. i will forever be tormented by my appitite for alcohol.

sometimes i really feel lost. the urge for a drink is so strong. it is strange for me to be able to resist. today deep in my brain i surrendered to it. i made up my mind to get some liquor as soon as i got off work. i have my reasons, reasons to drink are a dime a dozen. now i sit here still sober not unaffected though.

i am on a path. the path is clear but i am easily distracted. i seem to wander off it. i dont want to forget the pain. it is so easy to forget. i get lost in a day dream drowning my self in booze oh it is so sweet. that is an illusion. the reality is the pleasure is only a moment. the pain that follows is forever. i am in pain now and i havnt been drinking for six weeks.

i dont want to drink. i do want to drink. if i choose to resume drinking again my life will be so much more difficult then choosing to abstain. abstaining seems like so much work. it is work. my choice to abstain ruled this day. i am a long ways from being out of this hole that i have dug for my self. thanks for all of your support A-Z i am gratefull. thanks for being here
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Old 06-30-2004, 09:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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kckman,
You are right. Recovery from addiction can be hard but we are in this together and need to draw strenght from eachother. I often have found talking out my feelings and thoughts with those who know when ever I crave makes the choice to stay sober one day at a time easier. Stay in touch withother alcoholics in recovery. Lean on us when you feel weak and when you feel strong offer your strenght to another. Hang in there my friend. It is worth it. I don't ever want to go back from where alcohol took me. I tell myself each morning I'll do whatever it takes to stay sober today and then I pray for help. I will remember you in my prayers tonight.
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Old 06-30-2004, 09:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Another day of winning. Good job.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It does get easier.
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* I asked God to spare me pain.
God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.


Recovery Related Acronym

B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?
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Old 06-30-2004, 09:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi kckman,
you made it through today... It is a rollarcoaster ride of ups and downs. Some days are easier than others. You will get there though, each day you will get stronger. lean on us when you are tempted and that voice is in your head . sobriety is sooooooooo worth the work.
Hang on
Lin

Last edited by lin127; 06-30-2004 at 09:57 PM. Reason: sp error
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Old 07-01-2004, 06:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
knucklehead
 

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i am getting ready for another day of battle with my own desire to drink. i must be crazy i truelly know where a choice to drink would lead and yet i crave to drink. today i am responsible for my recovery. today i am not going to drink. it is always a day at a time. i am strong and i am winning. the light at the end of the tunnel honestly i do see the light but does the tunnel ever end? thanks for reading and thanks for your support i am open receptive and listening.
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Old 07-01-2004, 06:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Im an addict, I am free today. I am not living chained up by my addiciton. I am living in recovery. Spiritual freedom isn't free, it does take work. If you look in my eyes you will see freedom. I know the look of dispair and disappointment, I lived it for so long. Lose the fight, win the surrender. How do you win the surrender? Go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the 12 steps, call people in the fellowship, and most of all help somebody.
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Old 07-01-2004, 06:50 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Kckman
I'm so glad you're here, and that you're sharing your fears and feelings. You have six weeks sober! Congratulations! I relapsed 10 months ago after 2 years of sobriety. I got it in my head to drink and that's what I did. Looking back, I see that I had been building up to the relapse for several weeks without knowing it. Can you pray? Do you believe in prayer? At those times when I still want to drink (thank God it's not often) I pray for the compulsion to drink to be lifted. I can't do this alone, and neither can you. It's not about strength and willpower; surrender, my friend. You are powerless over alcohol. Your life had become unmanageable, right? You don't need to go back there. As they say in AA, don't leave before the miracle happens. Keep coming here, keep sharing, get to f2f meetings if you can. People in AA would say to me 'this too shall pass' when I was struggling with sobriety, but now I see why they said it, and I say it to others. Because it's true. Get through today, or get through an hour at a time. You deserve to have a great life! Don't give up!!
Love, Rowan

Last edited by Rowan; 07-01-2004 at 06:52 AM. Reason: couldn't spell my own name
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Old 07-01-2004, 06:57 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Kckman,

It is a good idea to write about your conflicting desires and to see the path where each choice will take you. You are still relatively early in sobriety and I think that is why your craving is strong. It will become easier as time goes by. And, sometimes the weight of being an addict does hang over me and I wish it wasn't there. But, without it, I would not be the person I am today and I'm beginnin to like that person.

Hang in there!

Love, Anna
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Old 07-01-2004, 07:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
zach
 

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at 6 weeks it was a very deep struggle for me, all i wanted to do was use, it was something that i had to accept that i will have the rest of my life, im 7 months clean and sober , in meeting all i heard was that i couldnt use, but thats not what they're saying, they were saying that i dont have to use, and thats how it is today , today i dont have to use or pick up,whick i am so greatful for, some things that i did and still do are ask my higher power to keep me clean and sober throughout the day , i read some literature, i go to a meeting, i talk to someone in recovery via computor but most of the time on the phone or in person and thank my higher power for keeping my clean , and if the urge does get to be too much, something my sponser told me to do is mentally, allow myself to use but go past that happy state of mind, to go through the after effects, i dont know what they are for you but for me it would be loss of trust,throwing 7 months away,basicly losing everything, anyway hope i helped in some way , like others said , it does get better,life doesnt get perfect as ilearned the hard way but it does get better
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Old 07-01-2004, 09:17 AM   #10 (permalink)
Chy
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Hi Kckman!

I'm glad your working hard at trying to stay sober. It does get better with time. But for most we can't do it alone. I myself tried and simply couldn't. Once I found a nework of support, I learned to begin to realize sobriety is the best thing I could do for myself, but I'll alway's need the support of my program, my family here and at home to help keep me grounded in this life long decision. Looking into the future is not an option, I remain firmly planted on the one day at a time principle, and with that, I know I can manage my decision with confidence that I can be a winner in this game of sobriety.

I hope you'll begin to look for a means of support in your area.
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Old 07-02-2004, 06:49 PM   #11 (permalink)
knucklehead
 

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it is the evening of my day and i am still sober. it is good it is a struggle. when i think about all my desires. they all require some kind of struggle. so i will struggle abstaining. i am struggleing and the struggle is a struggle. thanks for all of your support it helps me to win this struggle with myself. struggle on!
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Old 07-02-2004, 07:00 PM   #12 (permalink)
Dan
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Made me tired reading that Kman!
You're doing it! You're sober!
I'm gonna do twenty push ups now just on general principle.
If you're struggling, so will I
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