I hope I can get to that point Boleo where I am unequivocally glad to be sober. I still feel a lot of ambivalence over it even though my rational mind tells me that staying sober is the best thing I can ever do for myself.
I want to drink now because my mother came home and found me on the computer. I feel ashamed because I didn't want her to know I'm not working full time hours. I feel ashamed because I feel like I should have gone to work at the store if I wasn't working full time. I told her I was at home looking for jobs and doing some research for the store.
She took it pretty well. Think of how upset she would have been if she had found me off work and drinking .....during the day. That would have been ugly.
I want to drink so I can hide away. But I won't. Today is Thursday and if I drink today it won't stop for another two weeks at least so no.
Instead of going to the LCBO to drink I will take this time to: FIND A BETTER JOB.