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Accept the things I cannot change

Old 06-10-2010, 11:50 AM
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Accept the things I cannot change

Today is Day 8 for me. Yesterday night, I slept better than I had in months. I didn't wake up at all, not for alcohol or to go to the bathroom. It feels wonderful.

I'm just discovering the downside of elect to work. It means that if the company have no contracts I don't get work so I'm off work today and tomorrow. I hope there is work for Monday because I really need the money.

Anyway I was feeling upset because when I woke up, literally my first thought was, "I want a drink. I wonder whether I should go to the LCBO and drink."

I think that these low grade cravings might be around for a while inspite of my best efforts at this point in time. Staying sober doesn't mean that I'll never have cravings. It just means that I'll have taken the time to develop coping skills to deal with those cravings when they arise. I think it means wanting to stay sober more than you want to drink.

Right now, I have lots and lots of plans for what I would like to accomplish as a sober person. However, I don't have results that I can hold on to to encourage me to stay sober. But those results cannot come without me staying sober. Circular logic I know. I cannot change the fact that at this point in time I have chronic low grade cravings and thoughts of drinking. I have to accept it, and learn to deal with those cravings.

That aside, at this point, my liver cannot take any more abuse. Since I cannot drink in moderation, I have to stop drinking. So it doesn't make much sense to sit there and debate about whether or not I should have just one drink or why everyone else can drink but I can't. Its redundant and a waste of time and energy.

I don't drink anymore. I will do my best to avoid being a dry drunk or picking up another addiction. Period.

I hope you all have a sober 24
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Old 06-10-2010, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by LifeBlows View Post

I don't drink anymore. I will do my best to avoid being a dry drunk or picking up another addiction. Period.
Since you have your pick of hundreds of them..... I suggest you make recovery your new addiction. I'm realizing that's what I did and although it's not optimal (ie. substituting one addiction for another isn't advisable) it's not a bad addiction to "have."


I really dug the rest of the post too. nice.
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Old 06-10-2010, 12:32 PM
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I was one of those people who thought that that if I ever did find a way to stay sober on my own, that I would never attend another AA meeting or talk to anyone about alcoholism ever again.

The strange thing is, when I did experience the 10th step promise that says:

"We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected"

I knew I had found exactly what I was looking for. I really don't need meetings anymore for selfish reasons, like my own sobriety. However, What I did not expect to get was a bundle of other promises that I never really wanted in the first place, like;

"We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change."

Now I feel somehow compelled to try and help other alcoholics. Maybe it is a new form of addiction. All I know is, I never wake up in the morning wishing I had not been sober the night before.
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Old 06-10-2010, 12:57 PM
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I hope I can get to that point Boleo where I am unequivocally glad to be sober. I still feel a lot of ambivalence over it even though my rational mind tells me that staying sober is the best thing I can ever do for myself.

I want to drink now because my mother came home and found me on the computer. I feel ashamed because I didn't want her to know I'm not working full time hours. I feel ashamed because I feel like I should have gone to work at the store if I wasn't working full time. I told her I was at home looking for jobs and doing some research for the store.

She took it pretty well. Think of how upset she would have been if she had found me off work and drinking .....during the day. That would have been ugly.

I want to drink so I can hide away. But I won't. Today is Thursday and if I drink today it won't stop for another two weeks at least so no.

Instead of going to the LCBO to drink I will take this time to: FIND A BETTER JOB.
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Old 06-10-2010, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
I was one of those people who thought that that if I ever did find a way to stay sober on my own, that I would never attend another AA meeting or talk to anyone about alcoholism ever again.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! We have some helluva thoughts early on don't we?
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Old 06-10-2010, 05:56 PM
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Lifeblows, here are some thoughts I had in no particular order in response to your post. For one thing, you are right. Life is damn hard sometimes, or most of the time, or all of the time, and we make it through by guts and grit. I am a very stubborn person. I think that helped me quit drinking. I was determined to prove myself stronger than alcohol.

Alcohol is a lie of the mind. (Remember the phrase demon alcohol?) It does NOT make you sexy, smart, creative, happy, pretty, relaxed, social, or capable.

Early in recovery I was angry, bitter and resentful at not being allowed to drink. The unfairness of that situation seemed eternally cruel to me. I was throwing myself a big pity party. The pitiful thing is that if you are honest with yourself you have to admit that a lifetime of not drinking is a lot better than, say, a lifetime of ill health due to drinking, a lifetime of run-ins with the law or a lifetime of hiding.

I made a vow to myself that during the first few months of recovery if I wanted to drink I would DO ANYTHING not to succumb. Take a shower, go for a walk, go shopping at the mall, call a friend, clean, veg out in front of the t.v., bake cookies, smoke a cigar, take a nap, cry, whine and make an ass of myself. All of those things and lots of others worked. Don't give up. One second at a time.

Those low grade cravings may seem minor enough, but they are hanging out there looking for your Achille's heel. Firm up your resolve. Make your second thought of the day be, "Thank you, God, for the opportunity of another day to stay sober."
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Old 06-11-2010, 01:23 PM
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You are so inspirational- do NOT pick up that drink- I hear you. Reading your posts are beneficial- please continue.
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Old 06-11-2010, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
I was one of those people who thought that that if I ever did find a way to stay sober on my own, that I would never attend another AA meeting or talk to anyone about alcoholism ever again.
So, everyone who has decided to stop drinking will "see the light" eventually and start attending AA meetings. And, after doing so will wonder how they ever coped without "stepping" or having a sponsor?
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