Accept the things I cannot change
Today is Day 8 for me. Yesterday night, I slept better than I had in months. I didn't wake up at all, not for alcohol or to go to the bathroom. It feels wonderful.
I'm just discovering the downside of elect to work. It means that if the company have no contracts I don't get work so I'm off work today and tomorrow. I hope there is work for Monday because I really need the money.
Anyway I was feeling upset because when I woke up, literally my first thought was, "I want a drink. I wonder whether I should go to the LCBO and drink."
I think that these low grade cravings might be around for a while inspite of my best efforts at this point in time. Staying sober doesn't mean that I'll never have cravings. It just means that I'll have taken the time to develop coping skills to deal with those cravings when they arise. I think it means wanting to stay sober more than you want to drink.
Right now, I have lots and lots of plans for what I would like to accomplish as a sober person. However, I don't have results that I can hold on to to encourage me to stay sober. But those results cannot come without me staying sober. Circular logic I know. I cannot change the fact that at this point in time I have chronic low grade cravings and thoughts of drinking. I have to accept it, and learn to deal with those cravings.
That aside, at this point, my liver cannot take any more abuse. Since I cannot drink in moderation, I have to stop drinking. So it doesn't make much sense to sit there and debate about whether or not I should have just one drink or why everyone else can drink but I can't. Its redundant and a waste of time and energy.
I don't drink anymore. I will do my best to avoid being a dry drunk or picking up another addiction. Period.
I hope you all have a sober 24