kckman

i am sober today and i am holding tight hanging on. i have been so bothered by my addicted self lately. well i guess it just never goes away. i will just have to accept the fact that i will always be challanged. all because i allowed myself to become dependent on a substance. i will never be free. i will forever be tormented by my appitite for alcohol.

sometimes i really feel lost. the urge for a drink is so strong. it is strange for me to be able to resist. today deep in my brain i surrendered to it. i made up my mind to get some liquor as soon as i got off work. i have my reasons, reasons to drink are a dime a dozen. now i sit here still sober not unaffected though.

i am on a path. the path is clear but i am easily distracted. i seem to wander off it. i dont want to forget the pain. it is so easy to forget. i get lost in a day dream drowning my self in booze oh it is so sweet. that is an illusion. the reality is the pleasure is only a moment. the pain that follows is forever. i am in pain now and i havnt been drinking for six weeks.

i dont want to drink. i do want to drink. if i choose to resume drinking again my life will be so much more difficult then choosing to abstain. abstaining seems like so much work. it is work. my choice to abstain ruled this day. i am a long ways from being out of this hole that i have dug for my self. thanks for all of your support A-Z i am gratefull. thanks for being here