Originally Posted by
skope 
I know I'm not accepting him.. i guess that is cos i know how he is sober. He's a great man, so kind and caring.. funny and genuine. When i first told my friends at work about him they said they knew exacttly what I meant about there being "just something about him".. their words were that he was one of those guys you could just tell was a nice guy.
But drunk...he's selfish and self pitying, self loathing. Critical.. makes excuses.
But we went out on a nite out at the weekend and he was a " good drunk"... you know, just a typical guy on a nite out, we had fun n there was no depressed talk etc.
Something I still dont know for sure, is he an alcoholic? He says he as a drink problem, not alcoholism. Is wanting a drink everyday classified as this? Needing a drink to destress, is that having a problem? I don't know.. maybe it's just me and something I'm not used to.
I've seen ppl refer to their family members as "dry drunks".. what is that?
Ive tried to re-read most of the posts here. You just said it, YOU are not accepting him as he is, so what are you doing?
For example, its like someone going out with a guy who doesnt ever want children, but we will change his mind, right?? There are certain things you love about this man and certain things you really dislike about this man.
He was a 'good drunk' for a night you went out, if he did this everytime you went out, would that make things better for you? Is this man, someone you can see spending your life with? As is? Not changed.
Because if he is an alcoholic this will be a life long challenge for you and him, so are you in or out. You can keep throwing questions at yourself, with the buts, what ifs, if this and only if, and when that, but at the end of the day, this is your life and this is his life at this present stage. Nothing changes unless you change it. You can only change your path in life, with or without him. So instead of worrying about how HIS actions make you feel, try focussing on what you can do to make yourself feel better. When hes ready to make himself feel better, he will too.
Good Luck JJ