welcome back Jo
I fell for that lie every week for 15 years or so...you're definitely not alone.
Look back at what happened by all means - but stay in today...what happens now, and what happens next, should be your priority - regret or shame are really wasted emotions here.
Think about what you need to add to your recovery - meetings counselling or whatever - to make it work and keep working.
Yesterdays done. You're back and thats what counts, Jo
D