so ashamed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: ontario
Posts: 79
so ashamed
Wrestled a long time in writing this I am so so ashamed of myself but I must be honest or I cannot come on this forum.I was so confident I had it beat went 14 days and once more fell for the lie my brain told me you are not an alcoholic you just like a cold beer every now and then. whats wrong with that now I am back in the nightmare.Has anyone had this problem where does the terrible thirst come from the thoughts that life will be unbearable without alcohol.I am sick and tired of this I am not confident now not at all.I am ashamed I am going to start again I am on day 2.Please help and forgive me I admit I am powerless over this addiction.I humbly ask God to help me I dont want to go on like this alcohol is actualy making me depressed filled with guilt and shame.What a mess I am in wish I never drank I will not drink today Monday I will not be overconfident I will just take a day at a time..jo
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Jo, I've done exactly what you have done and so many of us have. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am glad you are here and posting.
You say some AA things in your post there. Are you going to AA.....or considering it?
You say some AA things in your post there. Are you going to AA.....or considering it?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Jo,
We do understand how hard it is.
Stopping drinking is the first step. But, when recovery begins, it takes a lot of work, every day to change from the inside out. My way of coping with everything was to drink, and I couldn't imagine changing my mind-set. But, I did, and you can too!
We do understand how hard it is.
Stopping drinking is the first step. But, when recovery begins, it takes a lot of work, every day to change from the inside out. My way of coping with everything was to drink, and I couldn't imagine changing my mind-set. But, I did, and you can too!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Most if not all of us have done the same as you, do not be ashamed alcohol is a very powerful/evil substance for us and we need all the strenght and support available to fight it. Be proud of yourself that you have recognized your weakness before it has killed you or another. You can do this.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Joleah - I did the same thing, many times. I had so much faith in my own strength to control it. It took alot of trying/failing to finally get it through my head that I wasn't stronger or smarter than any other alcoholic. I came to realize that if I drank in any capacity, it would never get any better. And if it's not going to be better, why not stop altogether?
It's humbling, I know, but please don't feel bad about yourself - we are trying to recover from an addiction, one which has taken the lives of alot of intelligent, wonderful, caring people. As long as we keep fighting the fight, there's nothing but hope! .......hugs
It's humbling, I know, but please don't feel bad about yourself - we are trying to recover from an addiction, one which has taken the lives of alot of intelligent, wonderful, caring people. As long as we keep fighting the fight, there's nothing but hope! .......hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Dear Jo, it took alot of courage to admit this. Thank you for your honesty.
If overcoming alcohol was easy, none of us would be here. Don't beat yourself up or play the blame and shame game. Learn from it and move on.
I found this article that lays out nicely (I think) what happens - physically and psychologically - before a relapse:
"Since alcohol is a powerfully addictive drug that is toxic, your body had to make some physical changes to keep you from being poisoned. Your body's chemistry, especially that of your liver, had to change to keep you alive while you were drinking.
However, once your body chemistry changed to accommodate the presence of alcohol, it cannot be un-changed. This is why you are experiencing physical cravings for alcohol; your body wants it back!
These cravings are most intense in the first six months of abstinence from alcohol. Thus, this is when most relapses occur. Here's how you can beat alcohol cravings today, right now:
Cravings occur on a Bell curve: they start out mild, grow in intensity until they peak, and then gradually they return to the "baseline" of no cravings.
When you feel a craving begin, now you know what's going to happen - you're ahead of the game right there! As your craving peaks in about 30 minutes, do something else. Anything; exercise, go to your recovery group's web site and talk through your craving, call a friend, read your email, go to a movie, read a book, watch TV, just get your mind onto something else.
The craving will begin to recede slowly, and soon it will be gone altogether. This process takes about an hour. Keep telling yourself "I won't give in. This is going to pass." And it will! Your self-confidence will be raised significantly as you enjoy this success.
The psychological aspect behind cravings: It is the habit and routine that you built around alcohol use that is causing the craving. The obvious solution to this type of craving is to make a new routine that does not involve drinking.
The fancy psychological term for this process is that first you must use "pattern interruption," which simply means that you stop drinking. However, you must have another behavior to do instead of drinking; this is called "pattern development."
You can't just leave a big hole in your life without filling it with something else; this is a sure-fire relapse trigger."
That was about the gist of the article, Jo...reading things like this helps me to understand what and why some things happen. We're not failures!
So glad you're here with us. Keep at it. We're with you all the way.
If overcoming alcohol was easy, none of us would be here. Don't beat yourself up or play the blame and shame game. Learn from it and move on.
I found this article that lays out nicely (I think) what happens - physically and psychologically - before a relapse:
"Since alcohol is a powerfully addictive drug that is toxic, your body had to make some physical changes to keep you from being poisoned. Your body's chemistry, especially that of your liver, had to change to keep you alive while you were drinking.
However, once your body chemistry changed to accommodate the presence of alcohol, it cannot be un-changed. This is why you are experiencing physical cravings for alcohol; your body wants it back!
These cravings are most intense in the first six months of abstinence from alcohol. Thus, this is when most relapses occur. Here's how you can beat alcohol cravings today, right now:
Cravings occur on a Bell curve: they start out mild, grow in intensity until they peak, and then gradually they return to the "baseline" of no cravings.
When you feel a craving begin, now you know what's going to happen - you're ahead of the game right there! As your craving peaks in about 30 minutes, do something else. Anything; exercise, go to your recovery group's web site and talk through your craving, call a friend, read your email, go to a movie, read a book, watch TV, just get your mind onto something else.
The craving will begin to recede slowly, and soon it will be gone altogether. This process takes about an hour. Keep telling yourself "I won't give in. This is going to pass." And it will! Your self-confidence will be raised significantly as you enjoy this success.
The psychological aspect behind cravings: It is the habit and routine that you built around alcohol use that is causing the craving. The obvious solution to this type of craving is to make a new routine that does not involve drinking.
The fancy psychological term for this process is that first you must use "pattern interruption," which simply means that you stop drinking. However, you must have another behavior to do instead of drinking; this is called "pattern development."
You can't just leave a big hole in your life without filling it with something else; this is a sure-fire relapse trigger."
That was about the gist of the article, Jo...reading things like this helps me to understand what and why some things happen. We're not failures!
So glad you're here with us. Keep at it. We're with you all the way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome to SR!! You will find plenty of info and loads of support. I too feel victim to the attitude that I really wasn't an alcoholic since I quit and was able to go alcohol free for some months. Was on vacation and decided to have one as I relaxed and man it felt great. Then I wanted more and I started buying to drink at home and when I hit a rough patch in life....wham I was on a bender of all day/all night.
Feel your pain but sobriety is there for you to take. Glad you are sober today and now you need to make the positive changes in your life to handle the ups/downs and all the stuff life throws at us.
You have an overwhelming thirst to be sober so let that drive your recovery. It is a lot harder IMO to put the bottle down then it is to pick it up.
Stay strong. Keep posting....we are here 24/7.
Feel your pain but sobriety is there for you to take. Glad you are sober today and now you need to make the positive changes in your life to handle the ups/downs and all the stuff life throws at us.
You have an overwhelming thirst to be sober so let that drive your recovery. It is a lot harder IMO to put the bottle down then it is to pick it up.
Stay strong. Keep posting....we are here 24/7.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wichita KS
Posts: 53
thank you for this post Joleah, I myself was to afraid/ashamed to post that I had drank this weekend. I made it 13 days on friday and relapesed saturday. I didnt even enjoy it, actually the more I drank the more depressed I got from knowing how hard I had worked to make it 2 weeks. Plus watching the others I was with not act like themselves because of intoxication only strengthed my resolve to quit. Im back on day 1 as well and thankfully the people I've met here are understanding and know how it can be falling and getting back up. Although probably not intended you're post is inspiring for me because it lets me know than Im not alone
Thank you and good luck in your journey.
Thank you and good luck in your journey.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Jo, thanks for posting this. It reminds us all where we've come from and how easy it is to fall back on it. I did it too - over a 25 year period - hundreds of times. Until it almost took my life, and then I finally "got it". I know you won't let it go that far - you understand now, and that's all that matters. You will have a renewed determination after what you've been through. We must always be vigilant - the drinking thoughts can come out of nowhere, even when we're feeling confident.
Wichitaks - This goes for you, too - never be ashamed to post. We are here for you no matter what's going on. I didn't get sober for months after joining, but once I did - it stuck, and I've never looked back. I agree with you, it really isn't fun anymore when we fall back on it. The old euphoria just isn't there for us. You can and will do this. I'm proud of you both. Onward you go....
Wichitaks - This goes for you, too - never be ashamed to post. We are here for you no matter what's going on. I didn't get sober for months after joining, but once I did - it stuck, and I've never looked back. I agree with you, it really isn't fun anymore when we fall back on it. The old euphoria just isn't there for us. You can and will do this. I'm proud of you both. Onward you go....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: midwest
Posts: 94
I quit and started back up again over the course of 5 years. I thought I would never string together anything more than a couple of weeks. I haven't had a drink in over 2 years. Never quit quitting. Try not to give into the self loathing thoughts because that is what will lead you to drink again. You had a setback. Dust off and get back on the path immediately. Don't wait. Best of luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
welcome back Jo
I fell for that lie every week for 15 years or so...you're definitely not alone.
Look back at what happened by all means - but stay in today...what happens now, and what happens next, should be your priority - regret or shame are really wasted emotions here.
Think about what you need to add to your recovery - meetings counselling or whatever - to make it work and keep working.
Yesterdays done. You're back and thats what counts, Jo
D
I fell for that lie every week for 15 years or so...you're definitely not alone.
Look back at what happened by all means - but stay in today...what happens now, and what happens next, should be your priority - regret or shame are really wasted emotions here.
Think about what you need to add to your recovery - meetings counselling or whatever - to make it work and keep working.
Yesterdays done. You're back and thats what counts, Jo
D
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
Don't feel shame, Jo. You carry a burden that others don't, and cannot understand. So while you may more easily stumble under that weight, it has also made you stronger. The ongoing battle to beat this disease shapes our characters on the deepest levels, and the proof is all around you. You could not have come forward and admitted to your feelings of shame and failure if you did not have this strength. Everyone here understands, and is honest, supportive, and humble in the face of this. There's no pettiness, no drama, no judging of one another. We may suffer, but our heroism is Olympian in its stature. So, be proud, keep fighting, and embrace the greatness this crucible is bringing out in you.
Rev
Rev
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hi Joleah!
I first started getting serious about my sober recovery last month. At first, the thought of never drinking again literally took my breath away. I am new to sober living, both this forum and my own sober life, I found the "I will not drink for today method absolutely a cornerstone of my day. Sometimes I even say it out loud.
I first started getting serious about my sober recovery last month. At first, the thought of never drinking again literally took my breath away. I am new to sober living, both this forum and my own sober life, I found the "I will not drink for today method absolutely a cornerstone of my day. Sometimes I even say it out loud.
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