SoloMio

AH came home drunk and a PIA last night. Not sure how he did it because we have NO cash whatsoever, and I'm trying to recover from several years of enabling financially, so I am now on a debt-free program and therefore refuse to use my credit cards (he has none in his name). So we're pretty broke at the moment.

So we were watching the Dateline special on the disaster in the Gulf and he brought up an argument that he mentioned last weekend, but when he stated it again, I argued back. He detected anger in my argument this time, so he left the room, saying, Geez, you can never agree with anything I say.

I realized later that the thing that made me angry was this: He feels that because BP's responsibility to its shareholders is profit, they have the right to make profits in any way that can regardless of the ethics or morality of it. This problem in the Gulf according to him is the Government's fault, because they failed to regulate BP properly--if BP got away with what they did, it's the govenment's fault.

I thought was mad because he was supporting unethical, immoral behavior. And I was--but I think I'm really mad because that's exactly how he see's our relationship. ... He's the guy who sees his responsibility as to himself alone--to get what he wants at any cost. My responsibility, according to him, is to regulate him, to reign him in, and if he can't get away with as much as he would like, oh well. If he screws up it's my fault because I should have stopped him. It became like a light switch to me.

This is such total nonsense, and I am reaching that point of making a "decision that's not a decision." Every time I've made a decision in my life it's when it just naturally feels like there's no alternative. After years of confusion, I'm pretty close to that point of clarity about what I need to do.

I'd be a little scared or sad, but right now, I'm just frustrated and angry.