I am still drinking but made the decision to go to rehab this friday.
For me, (and im just speculating right now) I think I just was a party animal and loved the buzz and loved getting hammered drunk. Then the scale of pleasure vs. pain started to even out....then it became reversed. So that it was more pain the pleasure. When I was with girls, they liked being around me because I was pretty much a comedian, they liked me, but not in the way that I wanted to be liked. That hurt me deep down. It was impossible for me to have a girlfriend. What women wants to date a guy who drinks all the time? Maybe another drunk, but I had no interest in dating another drunk so who the **** would want to date a drunk when a drunk doesn't even want to date a drunk.
Anyway, I think I was just one of those people who was prone to getting hooked. I have always been an all or nothing person. If I like something, I will put everything into it and become the best. Sucks that I liked alcohol so much.
Also, I started to not get those calls from friends to come out anymore and found myself watching Simpsons reruns and drinking alone. I decided its time for a change. I hope I can stick it out.
Much love to everyone who got clean and is truly happy. I can't say that I am miserable, but I know I need to change if I ever want to do something with my life. I am still young and still hold on to hope. I'm glad I haven't lost that because hope is a very dangerous thing to lose.