At first, I drank because I thought it was normal, sophisticated, and socially "right." I drank because it was fun--a hell of a lot of fun--becuase it turned off the part of me that worried and wanted to control everything, and it let me be the person who was uninhibited and a "rockstar." It let me obtain the attention I craved without suffering through the anxiety I experienced alongside it. I drank because I wanted to try everything and live on the edge; was I going to take huge risks sober? Alcohol helped do the things I was afraid to do.
Later, I drank because it was a habit. I drank because I was lonely. I drank because it made me feel comfortable in social situations when I had lost the ability to feel comfortable sober. I drank because everyone else was drinking. I drank because I was bored. I drank to forget my problems--that I was single, that I felt unsexy, that I was overweight, that I realized all the material advantages of my youth meant nothing, that my family was dysfuctional, that I was broke, that my boss was a bully, that I had health problems as a consequence --directly or indirectly--of alcohol abuse. Or I drank for the hair of the dog.
Later still I drank for no reason at all. And when I drank, it did not solve any of the problems above--it only made them worse. Last, I drank because I was afraid to stop --afraid of what would happen to me, my social life, my entire sense of myself, without alcohol.
Finally I became honest with myself about all this. And that is why I no longer drink.