To tell you the truth, at the end, I did not know why I drank.
I was drunk for so many years, it just took over my mind and body. I am an alcoholic.
I'm also bipolar, and the thing I can put my finger on, is that drinking made me feel like I THOUGHT everyone else felt sober. Alcohol tricks you. I drank heavily for twenty years. You name it I drnak it.
At one point switched from beer to vodka, this is the natural progression of the disease.
Puking in the morning, But still not feeling like I drank too much.
Slowly tapered off over months on beer again. A six pack a week. Sometimes I would vomit the first one, then keep on. Crazy, huh?
With the help of this board and a higher power than me, I've been sober 150 days now.
If I can do it, you can too. Willpower got me nowhere. It was a moment of clarity that I didn't want to be a drunk anymore.
Got sick of hiding bottles, rotating liquor stores, throwing away the empties in different dumpsters. But was I fooling anyone? Yes, myself. Everyone I know knew I was a drunk.
These last 150 days have been glorious. I'm making new friends. Told the old ones I quit.
They stuck by me when I was drinking, and we've only gotten closer.
Just a little about me, hoping you can relate to some of it.
Maybe you could try AA? It's worked for millions.
I've learned what works for me and I'm sticking to it. The thought of a drink now repulses me.
Best of luck to you, whatever you decide, on your journey.