Thank you so much. You have no idea how much your response helped me. I can totally see the distinction between trying to set boundaries for him (which will only drive me insane and probably ruin our marriage) and setting boundaries for myself.
After I read your response to my post last night I went to my husband and told him that I will no longer try to control him and tell him what he can and cannot do. That is his job. My job is to decide what I will tolerate and what I am comfortable with and then do what I need to do to make myself feel good.
This means if he decided to smoke in the house ( he has never smoked in front of our children, it's always after they are in bed or not around) or be stoned around me then I will have to leave or seperate myself from him until he's sober again.
I don't think he really understands. In his mind I believe he thinks he has "won" this arguement and he's getting his way. He can do whatever he wants now and the old nag will leave him alone!! Yippee!
The only thing I struggle with now is that it feels like he thinks he has my blessing to smoke pot now. I want him to know that I still completly dissaprove with him doing this. I know he is an addict and even if it seems fine now it will eventually start to cause problems. He certainly does NOT have my blessing!
Yes, this really does suck!!! I hate it!!
Thank you again
~ Amy