Very true...you ALL are right and oh today is day 6 not 5. but I had only made it to five days once over the last year (the only other time I attempted or even cared to over the last couple years. It didnt dawn on me that I had a problem or needed to quit, b/c no one said anything and it didnt seem like a problem, all the sudden over the last couple months I started to DO some REALLY stupid things, uncharasteric of ME, and luckily over the last few weeks a lot of people started to call me out and tell me they were worried about me, even the people I drank and used with, thaty when I knew I had a problem, well not even then honestly, I had to keeo drinking/using, doing a lot more stupid things until I really lost a friend last week b/c if my actions that began about this time 1 week ago and lasted just about al night, I had sent him really drunken text messages all night, that I remember starting hi hows it going what are you up to tonight, that ended in a black out of text messages I apparently sent up through 5 AM that progressed to telling him (obviously he bieng a feind of mine and my husbands the texts got really innapropriate) to I want you I need you, this guy is like a brother to me and I really dont want him and am not attracted to him and my husband luckily knows that and believes it, and saw all of this after our friend showed him all of them b.c he felt really bad for my husband and upset with me bc he felt harassed all night, when apparently in the texts he started telling me to stop texing him, leave him alone, call tomorrow when I sober up etc. and I wouldnt stop and he was mad/concenred.
So he showed all the texts to my husband etc. which I have posted before but thats what lead to me finally realising I had a problem although a lot of peple in the weeks leading up showed concern, but gently, when I really needed a slap in the face.
Gerry I love "It's okay to 'want a drink' but my dear, you can't. Just go to bed early", HA! So simple isnt it, but your right IT IS.
If I could just turn my brain off and slow down a little I would sleep and its raining here so no walk, but your right i will try to take it easy on myself tonight is just the hardest night thus far for sure, b/c up until now I really didnt want to drink but I guess now I have to honestly say i know it would make me feel better for the moment, but ruin the rest of my life I already have to repair so i cant do it. Its not an option anymore.
Thank you guys, I really appreciate you being here. Hopefully when my husband gets home I will try to get motivated and cook the food he is gettng and not leave him to do everything as he has been for a looongggg time now. i could at least give the poor man that.
<3 Dream