I think I am kidding myself. I KNOW I dont want to drink mentally, and wont.
I know for sure thats not going to fix all of the sadness I feel right now and how honestly crappy I feel as well.
But am I kidding myself and just supressing the feeling that physically I do want to drink?
I know I am overthingking it and making it more complicated, but maybe if i admitted that I want to drink icould address it, but theres really nothing I can do since I have my daughter here and my husband went to run errands, so I can harly be on here, cant read the BB, cant go to a meeting, call anyone, listen to anything on radio tv etc. since she wants all my attention right now, but I feel so yucky and empty inside that I'm not 100% tuned into enjoying her either.
We had a great day at the park together and it was HOT and we played and I was emotionally THERE for the first time in a long time, but is it this normal to feel sooo wiped out?
I didnt get to sleep until 5 AM last night and forced myself not to nap when she and my husband did this afternoon, so could I just be exhausted and dont have my liquid energy which is what I would normally get in this situation, on a Sat night and her not exhaustedfrom school/daycare all day?
Maybe I do want to drink and feel sad that I cant? Of all the bad things it did give me energu but thats not an option, could I possibly be mourning the loss of my dear friend beer that gave me energy, made me think I was enjoying (overly)playing w/ my daughter etc. If I was drinking i could do more than put a movie on for her I would cook dinner, play hide and seek something, but right now I dont have energy or happiness for anything.
Thanks for listeninig
<3Dream
So I dont know what to