sherby

I'm new here and I really don't know where to start, this is my first post. First Of All I'm so sorry you all have had to endure these painful experiences. I Lived with by Ex BF who drunk 2 to 3 times a week (beer) occasionally moon shine which made him very evil. He was never physically abusive, but when I would confront him when he was sober, he would say drinking 2 to 3 times a week is not a alcoholic, I however believe that it is a form of alcohol lisem when you feel you have to drink 2 to 3 times a week every week plus he smokes pot ever other day. He was very sweet, loving and kind but I found he did not like me having friends nor did he like me on the phone very long whether it be with friends or my family members. He did not like me on the computer. I have a 13 yr old son whom lived with us, he treated him very well, but he did not want my 18 yr old daughter living with us, & when she did come visit he acted very cold toward her. I finally could not take it no more his Jeckyl & Hyde routine, so I left and returned home to my husband at the time while I was living with boyfriend, Me and Hubby were in the process of a divorce. I so miss the fun & Loving side of my ex and he wants me to come back and says things will be different but I can't trust that. I also got very attached to his daughter whom is 8 yrs old that's the sad part too. My hubby knows that I have deep feelings for this man because I wanted to be honest with him. Before living with this man I dated him for almost 3 yrs but did not see the Jeckyl and hyde routine. Since leaving him I miss him and his daughter, I seem to think about him constantly even though I don't want too. I don't want to love this man, but I feel I'm very weak when it comes to him and I wonder why can't I just be happy with my normal husband. I feel I'm a very very messed up individual. Honestly a part of me wants to go back but I'm too afraid that things would not change. I feel miserable, but see my hubby and I are so different in so many ways. I have to ask him to mow the lawn and feed & water the dog. He sleeps alot and is on the computer alot but he is a good man. My ex was the opposite if he seen things needed done, he done them and this is one of the reasons I miss him too. Plus he and I done things together, such as fishing, camping and 4 wheel riding and we talked alot. My hubby doesn't make big conversations with me unless I start them. I'm sorry to be rambling on but I'm so very tempted to go back. I just don't know if I can move past this because I love the other one so much, I love my husband too just not sure if its the same kind of love. Again I'm sorry for the long post. I just feel very vunerable and sad and confused. Thank You all For Listening