nodaybut2day

Two weeks ago, AH told me that he's moving on the 31st. I made note of it as he told me he wouldn't be seeing DD that week-end, and worried a bit that he still hasn't given me his new address. Eventually though, I figured he would since he'll need me to keep driving DD to him on Sundays.

Yesterday when I went to drop her off at his place, my old superintendant caught up with me and asked to speak with me. Though this man isn't the most skilled handyman, he's very nice and was always helpful to me when I lived in that building. He also was quite supportive of my leaving AH because he really dislikes him.

Anyhow, the super proceeded to tell me that there had been an altercation between him and AH, which resulted in the police being called. From what I understand, AH hasn't paid his rent (in how long, I don't know), and the super went to see him to ask for another rent cheque. Because AH was drunk (according to the super), there was an argument, and AH called the cops on the super. He was told to stay away from AH. A few days later, AH physically pushed the super who then called the cops on him. SO, things are not going well over there.

I tried to be sollicitous and told the super that he'd be happy since AH was leaving...and he had no idea what I was talking about! That's when it dawned on me that AH plans on disappearing quietly next week without paying rent. Of course, he wouldn't be moving "the regular way", with moving vans and boxes, and forwarding addresses...OH NO! He's going to do it "the illegal way", and sneak off in the middle of the night with DSS. I don't even know if he'll take the cat, what furniture he'll take or leave, of if he'll destroy the place like he did our last apartment together. I don't know why I was shocked...I guess I had forgotten what kind of person AH is.

Realizing that I'd just put my food deep in my mouth, I backpeddled and told the super that I wasn't sure about what I'd heard and that it might all be a lie...He seemed satisfied and proceeded to tell me that my former DSS is looking very ill and depressed, and that he wishes the boy's mother would come and take him back to Ontario. He also suggested that AH isn't working anymore since he's been home all week and harassing him during the daytime.

Obviously, this last portion may be hearsay and is based on the impressions of a third party, but seeing as I just had AH's employer served with a subpoena, I'm feeling like I have a part to play in all this.

In any case, I felt very out of sorts hearing how poorly things are going in AH and DSS' life. When I left last year, I told DSS that I wouldn't abandon him, and that I'd always be there for him, but AH made that impossible. At first he forbade me to be in touch with DSS and threatened me with legal action, and then later on when he discovered clues in his son's email that would point to him being gay, he begged me to get back in touch with him...I eventually refused because I felt that AH would constantly use my relationship with DSS as a means to hurt me or to get information about my life. So I let him go...and even now, it breaks my heart. I realize that there's nothing I can do to help him get away from such a toxic situation, but the pill is particularly hard to swallow considering I'm fully aware of what instability he's living with.

It didn't take long for me to forget that this sort of chaos is exactly how AH likes to live (not paying rent, getting evicted and skipping out a few months later, moving someplace new). AH used to tell me all kinds of stories about his "bohemian life" with DSS, just scrapping by, living in condemned houses or subpar apartments with his child...and somehow feeling proud about that.

There's a small part of me that wonders if my serving his employer with the subpoena lead to this...there's also another part of me that feels *somewhat* bad about what's going on in his life, but then I quickly realize that he did all this to himself. When I was with him, at first, it was about saving him and DSS from the world...offering them shelter. Eventually, our relationship was about fixing the damage he did to the people around him, and boy did he ever do lots of damage. With me gone, it's back to how it was.

What really worries me is that DD is now going to be exposed to this kind of chaos when visiting her father. AH asked to see DD the day before his "moving date" and because a) I didn't want her playing around in a box-filled apartment and b) I was paranoid that AH would get it into his head to run off with DD without leaving me a forwarding address, I refused.

I don't really know if there's anything I can or should do...