Thanks everyone for your feedback.
Yesterday, he came home in the afternoon with 7 or 8 of his friends in tow, (I've always had my upstairs set up so the kids could hang out here rather than running the streets), I called my son aside privately and right away he started in about the car and there is no way, blah, blah, blah. I told him to sit down and I told him that the attitude, the disrespect, the laying around doing nothing all day, not helping out yet I pay his car insurance and cell phone and whatever else he needs is done. I gave him a choice. He could learn to follow the rules of the house, cut the disrespect, and do the chores that need to be done if he wants to live here, if he can't do those things then he needs to find someplace else to live. He said "fine, I'll find someplace else to go". then proceeded to go upstairs with his friends while others were knocking on the door. I went up and asked him which part of our conversation he didn't understand. When I went in his room there were alcohol bottles in there, and I could smell pot. I told them all that this is not party central and they all had to get out. He got mouthy and said "I told you I was going to find someplace" I said well you can start now, everyone OUT! I worked too hard for my own recovery and I am not going to allow drinking and pot smoking in my house. So he left yesterday, I haven't heard from him since.
I know he will be stopping in at some point because he was only wearing shorts and sneakers when he left. He will need to come here to get some clothes.
This happened before, back in January, right after he turned 18. He was gone for a week, came home, apologized and did well for a few months but it started up again.
I have a 12 year old son in the house who doesn't need to be exposed to all this. I have to think of him as well. My 18 year old son is big enough and strong enough to handle himself and this may be what he needs to finally open is eyes and get his life together.
All I can do now is keep him in my prayers and hope for the best.
If I can ask, will you also keep him in your prayers as well. He may not believe in God, but God believes in him.