Originally Posted by
anvilhead 
you deal with YOUR son as YOU best see fit. it could be he's just doing what teenage boys do....smoke some weed....or he could be acting out as a result of the mayhem...regardless, he needs you right now. he needs your calm, loving direction....your firm boundaries.....and to know that he is hugely important to you.
Excellent! I think your son should always know that he is a priority over a husband who is not his father. I understand that my husband's children will always be more important than I in his life.
If your husband is feeling shaky in his own sobriety by the presence of this new wrinkle caused by your son, then he can decide for himself what boundaries he needs. If those boundaries do not match yours, then you two have some negotiating/deciding to do for yourselves. I agree that ultimately it is your son, and your husband does not get to tell you how to handle your relationship with him.
When my now husband told his son to get out, we were not yet engaged, and I did not live in the house. My main boundary was that I would not be around someone who was high or be in a house that contained illegal drugs. I did not tell him to kick his son out and never would if his decision had been to allow him to stay. I had to choose for myself what I was comfortable around (or not). Your husband has that same choice to make for himself.
Hugs and prayers for you and your son, HG