I thought that active addiction was the root of the problem with my addict and that once he was sober we would have the new and improved version of him. Character traits and behaviors exist whether someone is using or not.
I think it's easy to believe that if someone isn't in active addiction that then they would behave in "normal" ways. I didn't realize how many underlying character issues my husband had until the substance went bye bye and the character issues remained. I guess that that is why I believe that working in recovery is vital...and why I refer to my husband as a sober addict vs. a recovering addict. There is a BIG difference.
I understand wanting and needing more. I would rather be alone than with someone that frequently reminds me of what I don't have with them. At least if you are alone there is hope that you will find a partner that is enjoyable to have...not someone that ignores your needs and is there in body only.
Sometimes we work so hard at giving a loved one so many chances and we spend so much emotional energy on them and all we get is the same ole same ole. Nothing changes if nothing changes. The only person I can change is me.
You've spoken your piece and you've made your needs clear. He is answering you plainly and clearly too. It's just hard to accept sometimes though when that response isn't what you want to hear.