he sleeps all day and watches tv, plays guitar or video games all night... Still no job.
The problem I have is that I am not getting any attention or emotional availability.
Littlebird...
I'm certainly no expert. But look at what you've written. ARe the traits you describe the ones you want for yourself in a partner? Are you trying to pick your bf apart and categorize his behavior as addiction and non-addiction related? Why? Because if his behavior is addiction related, it becomes more acceptable? Besides, I don't think you can neatly seperate things out like this. He is who he is. And this relationship is either healthy and fulfulling or it isn't.
I think we (and I'm certainly including myself in this) spend too much energy trying to make excuses for the addict. We try to attribute their negative qualities to addiction as though they won't count as much in the big scheme of things. Or maybe we think that by getting clean, these negative things will go away. But in reality, the negatives are the negatives. You say your bf is clean but he still lays around playing video games, doesn't work, and is emotionallly unavailable. Instead of looking at him as a recovered addict with these traits, why not take the 'recovered addict' thing out of the equation and look at the situation for what it is. Maybe your bf is just lazy and emotionally unavailable. Those traits aren't limited to addicts. Whether they are caused by or related to addiction shoudn't really matter. What matters is whether we get what we need from the relationship.