Ok. The local Alanon meeting isn't giving you the support you need. Travel to another meeting isn't happening, so what are your other options?
Is therapy an option?
Self-help books are an option. Therapy hasn't been an option for me, so far. My recovery resources are Alanon and self-help books and SR.
Have you read Melody Beattie's book "Codependent No More", recently? I've read it a few times. I always get more understanding each time I read the book. I also make better progress when I do the exercises.
I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed with the chaos. I know what it feels like to not have a clue where to begin to find my serenity. I was able to make a meeting tonight (Alanon) and our subject was serenity.
Allow me to share something from my literature:
"Someone once explained the maintenance of serenity to me like this:
Suppose someone asked me to pass the salt at the dining table. 'Sure' I'd say while handing it over. Now suppose someone asked me to pass them my serenity - would I give it up so willingly? I doubt it." Hope for Today
Did you give away your serenity? Did you give it to someone else?