Hey Kris,
I can identify with you very, very well. I have had OCD for about 6 years and I discovered that alcohol could, for the time when I was drinking it, blur the OCD symptoms into the background and give me a break from that living hell. I justified continuous and worsening drinking because I thought, well I'm going through this awful thing, alcohol's making me feel better, how can it be a bad thing that I drink heavily. However, alcohol took over as a living hell for me. My tolerance increased, I was drinking all day (definitely in the morning!), my money was running out. And most of all, if I wasn't drinking the OCD and anxiety was there with a vengence. And also, I'm a law student so my study load is huge, and drinking a few glasses of wine while I studied would actually mean I would study more than if I was distressed and anxious because of OCD. But I've discovered that once you have the will to become sober, the anxiety takes a back seat, and when you're not feeling seedy or hungover, or guilty, or ashamed, the feelings of anxiety, although they might seem worse in the first few days, actually get a lot better very quickly.
I suffered panic attacks aswell. I really recommend you see your doctor. Emphasise that you are an alcoholic so that they don't put you on a habit forming drug, but anythign that can help you get through the anxiety in the short-term will help you as you start to experience how rewarding sobriety is and you regain the faith in yourself that you can do things without alcohol.
Please keep coming back here, posting and talking. I can really relate to your story and would be happy to talk to you anytime
