Hitched up my big girl panties
I was seeing some friends last night that I haven't seen in a while, very good friends. One of the sisters is due to get married the week after I would have been. I was all nervous because I didn't really know what to tell her about breaking off my engagement since I've only told a few people so far and it's really hard to talk about. I didn't know if I should lie and cover up the truth for now, or say we're on a break, or what. Guess what? I just told her the truth. She has known about his addiction issues anyway, so it's not like I'm trying to hide that. She said that she thought that it was really brave of me and that yes, that is a decision I don't need to rush, that deciding whether you want to spend the rest of your life w/ an alcoholic is a big decision. It felt better to tell her and get it off my chest and then I was happy to defer the eyes on me and start talking about her wedding plans. I know that it is my codependent issues to be overworrying about what others will think of what I tell them, and I'm trying to get over that.
Someone mentioned, wisely, on my last post about how I was getting so ahead of myself. Thanks for that. Yes, here I am worrying about two months ahead and beyond. I need to really just keep my head in today. I am going to tell my family today or tomorrow. I think that it will be sort of a relief after I do.
I'm really struggling at work. I only have a week and a half left and it's taking all of me to keep my head in the game. The kids are driving me bonkers. I teach a pretty challenging group of kids as is, so this is even worse. It doesn't help matters that my job situation is so up in the air for next year. I am working on applications.
The feelings of sadness can be so overwhelming at times. Yesterday was much better, but today I'm just feeling so bummed out. I miss him, of course. And I'm dreading the thought of being single again, especially if it's going to be for an extended period. Wait...there I go again with the waa waaa waaa-ing about tomorrow and worrying. I'm sad today. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I miss him terribly, but that doesn't change anything. I will find things to be grateful about today, which is the prospect of my summer vacation, even if it won't be spent with my man like it was supposed to be.