Originally Posted by skope

Hiya, hoping someone can help me, kinda very close to a breakdown here.

I'll try to brief but it may drag on. Thank you to those who are kind enough to read to the end.

Jist of it..I was just coming out of a relationship, Then I met a guy at work.. was instantly attracted to him, and we got together. Thing is after that 4 yr relationship that i had come out of, i always had thought i would move back home! I never thought I'd meet someone else. And, me thinking i was doing the right thing, told work guy that thats what my life plan was n this could never be serious. Of course this lead to arguements but we just kinda bypassed it. He would always want to see me every evening/every weekend, as normal couples do. But as I had started to develop rally strong feelings for him, i ended up pushing him away and fighting the urge to see him and spend time with him.
More I spent time with him the more i realised i wanted to be with him also.. He's the first man I've kissed since a guy at uni that when i kissed him he made my knees go weak..we can make each other laugh till we're peeing ourselves..he still gives me butterflies when i see him.. i turn into a little school girl around him and find him oh so fit! Even hearing his voice can make me lose concentration on everything..I've never felt that way about anyone. We fit together so well. I could see myself with him forever, father of my kids.. coming home to him was the greatest feeling and i wanted that to look forward to.

however, between getting together and realising i was falling in love with him.. it started to become clear that he may have a alcohol dependency and that mixed with anxiety and depression don't make a good mix. I've never been scared of him doing anything violent, just very scared to see him like that and overwhelmed. And it would be these times where his critical side would come out.. "i'm just goin to leave him for someone better, i'm too beautiful to be with someone like him, i should be with someone taller, handsome, richer. I didn't like him enough at the start, and now all of a sudden i'm in love with him". Without going into detail, his depression seems to stem from things ex-gfs (and ex wife) have said/done..even his parents and friends. And he just assumed i was going to the feel the same as them. There have been many suicide threats and talks. Even tho, there was me telling him how much i loved him, wanted to be with him and fought for us to stay together.

We would break up after he'd go drinking, call me and pick a fight.. cos id say i couldnt do it anymore then we'd make up when he realised what happened, be it the next day.. or week. But I know everytime we were apart i was a wreck.

After a year or so of this up and down.. he still drinks everyday... he says one or two pints is an improvement from his 10 a day that he used to do..he still smokes 20 a day and eats takeaways and oven pizzas for dinner.. During times when we've had our heart to hearst and long talks about life.love etc.. he says he knows his lifestyle is bad and is killing him and it's only recently that he's started counselling. He'd say things like he wants to stop the drinking and smoking (and wnet 3 weeks cold turkey with it, which i advised him against of and i was right as it ended up in him goin in overload) and improve his fitness and diet cos he feels fat and ugly.. but he never did anything about it. His claim is, he alreayd did that with his ex wife and look where it got him, a divorced
And when he's drunk and somethings happened to upset him, he'll say he doesn't want kids cos he doesnt want to pass on his genes, he doesn't want to give up his life to start worrying about mortgages and school catchment areas and he doesn't deserve a future, he shouldn't be here and he only hurts ppl over and over.

He even decided, hat he would cut me and other ppl he keeps hurting out of his life, for "my own good" as he just keeps hurting me and thought it best for me.
I told him whats best for me is for him to sort himself out and get his act together basically. Realise that i love him despite all these negative images he has of himself, that i don't want better than him and that he can have a future if he just fixes himself up.

I get upset that maybe i'm not good enough or he doesn't love me enough to want to change and make an effort, but cos i have seen how happy we can be and we've both been walking on clouds at times.. and he;s told me how lucky he feels to have me..so i must be worth something??
And then i get angry cos i wish i could just shake him and say sort yourself out and grow up! stop feeling so sorry for yourself and realise that you're throwing away your life!

He knows he has depression and is on medication for it, but he hasn't found a medication that is working.. they all have diff side effects which seems to make him worse. The ones he's on right now for example, he says he just feels inner nger and rage all the time.
He admits he has an alcohol addiction... sometimes. But then other times, it's my fault for "not coming from the same culture and not understanding that this is what men do."

How do i help him and support him with his depression and alcoholism? The depression i'm trying to support him by giving him space, (which is extremely difficult when he's sending me suicidial texts) but the alcohol addiction? I dont know how to deal with this cos he ends up either hiding it from me or blaming me for not wanting to drink.

thanks in advance