Oh. I think I understand what you mean about the motivation behind certain things. Like someone wants to be "good" for the approval of others or to feel superior.
Before my life fell apart 1 1/2 years ago, I was probably in that category. If I "did" the right thing in every situation, then I felt like I was superior. My about-face on that was when I felt like my life was over and I was SO angry from years of doing the right thing when others around me did not. If they were selfish and I was selfless, then I never got my needs met. This didn't work for me.
Becoming selfish or at least doing things for yourself rather than others (single and no kids to worry about) has been liberating. I explain nothing now. If I don't like something or someone, then I stop doing things with them or whatever the "thing" was. With this recipe there is little room for resentment to build. However, I do find that I cut things off quickly. Don't know if it is healthy, but at least I am no longer a doormat or resentful.