For me the biggest problem with dealing with my situation was that I needed to have everything figured out right away, so I ended up making decisions in anger, or because someone said something and it felt right (but I didn't really get it), or I was forcing myself to believe I had enough, but every time after awhile I ended up back at the square one. I wasn't ready.
I knew our happines is so close, we had everything going for us except this one thing: his drinking, and only if I could do something to make that go away everything would be perfect. I don't know if I really believed he can do it, but I was sure I can do it, I can make him do it, I can do anything I set my heart and mind too. I had my teeth in it like a pit bull and wouldn't let go. That lasted forever, because I was not ready to work on myself and address my own issues. He was a problem, I needed to sort him out.
Only when I admited there could be something wrong with me too, I started to let go, to move in a right direction. To do that I had to be honest with myself. That was the hardest, it's easier to blame it all on him, and cry how horrible my life is.
Someone here has it as their signature, it goes something like: Only when the pain of staying becomes greater than the fear of unknown you're ready to leave.
That proved to be right for me. My pain became unberable, anything else seems better than this.
I guess we all walk at our own pace, it took me awfully long time and great amount of pain to get where I am now.
I don't think anyone here is getting frustrated with you, I'm sure all of us are sharing and giving you the advices so you can educate yourself and spare yourself some pain.
In my opinion the best way to go about it is by trying to be honest with yourself as much as you possibly can. Once you get rid of your own delusions everything becomes much more clear. Takes work, it's hard, but it can be done.