I am contemplating writing his mom an e-mail to let her in on what's going on. Then I thought, well, maybe I should send the same e-mail to my parents too. Maybe I should send him the same email. Besides three close friends, I have not really let anyone in on what's going on and carrying the burden of what to do all alone is weighing me down. But this way I can get more feedback. ? Is that what I want? I have to be honest here. I don't know if I'm ready to blow the doors off the roof and never see him again. I suppose part of me does still wonder, what will it be like when I'm there with him, in "our" home? Either way, I am not backing off of getting a job secured here and coming back here after the summer. Would he just be on his best behavior all summer or would it give me a chance to let things play out and then be reassured about my decision to leave? I could pursue counseling while I am there, while he does the same. Is this just my fear talking or desire to minimize pain and conflict? I will be pursuing counseling either way, whether I am there or here. I'm having a hard time giving up the dream of spending some quality time with him, given the fact that I've seen him two weeks in six months. What do I do????? Now I know how the addict feels when you are terrified to use, and terrified to not use. That is how I feel right now.