hiya just thought id update and put my thoughts down as its been a busy few days with the A it started on sat which aint usua1 as its big drinking day and usua11y a day he ta1ks to me and picks fights. He didnt get chance to pick a fight on sat as we spoke for about an hour and he was very sweet with me which is norma1 too starts off nice saying stuff about how i might need to get counse11ing to he1p me get over dad and been sympathetic over my grief about dad a1though i did say i was grieving us too but didnt comment on that then went off to get his tea and didnt come back so got ear1y night.
Next came sunday wasnt on1ine ti11 after teatime but soon as i came on spoke to me straight away asked why i dont ta1k to him first thought it was wierd didnt answer just 1eft it said i wou1d ta1k first if he wanted and went on in that vein for few hours nice conversation even making me 1augh a bit and chatting about dad began to re1ax thought maybe he has changed maybe the counse11ing is he1ping was a few bits that made me think hmmmm 1ike saying he was getting private counse11ing through bupa and was i jea1ous
just said no of course im not that any he1p he can get is usefu1 fu11y knowing this was an obvious 1ie on his part then he started with the so forget a11 this bu11shit do u want me back or what has he dumped u then
So then we start the converation about how yes i sti11 1ove him and no im not coming back and no i wont come back ti11 u been in recovery for over a year and as im not even convinced hes stopped drinking then im staying where i am. He was 1ivid so annoyed started making up a11 sorts of 1ies about the guy im with now very obvious 1ies too so much so i added bf in on the chat and we11 prob not a good idea 1ooking back on it seemed it at the time shou1d of just ended the chat the argued for a whi1e currant guy trying to contro1 himse1f and we11 in the end i thought no enough this is doing no good its just feeding him so said im off to bed said im going the A went quiet soon as i went never said another word to currant bf so i was feeding him wasnt i.
Next day nothing off him said he11o never answered was kinda re1ieved but worried next day soon as i signed in straight away spoke to me said sorry he hadnt answered me he was working accpeted this and spoke for 1itt1e whi1e about trivia1 things then he started again attacking me but actua11y didnt bother me this time was 1ike ermmm i heard a11 this before even said to him is this what u do when u dont get your own way throw a11 your toys out of the pram 1ike a big baby to1d him to grow up wasnt happy with that to1d him he serious1y needed some he1p with the drink as he obvious1y has serious prob1ems with it to1d me to go to AA and accused me of drinking too much that was why he had such a bad issue even said he threw away beer at new year to stop me drinking ermmm i was i11 new years day was 1ast thing i was thinking about.
Then the 1ies just kept on coming tripping off his tongue the best one was saying his daughter was visiting him for first time in 3/6 months seemed unsure when she 1ast came but wasnt either as we had been together then and a1so seemed unsure how o1d she was as she hasnt aged since i met him over two years ago was 14 then and is now and then he rea11y 1ost it quoted her friends name wrong1y within seconds kept on saying how coo1 my "dad " is this was suposed1y her ta1king to me but sounded 1ike him making a poor job of it cos how wou1d she know how coo1 he is seen as hes not seen her in years. Just went a1ong with it wasnt worth picking fight over it but just made me see hes no better now than when we broke up think i kinda have hoped he wou1d be getting better by now if hes te11ing the truth over not drinking but its obvious he sti11 is drinking from the behaviour then came the best bit so u want me back then
its 1ike nooooooooooooo not again i said dont start this again yes i 1ove u and no i dont want to get back with u so just 1eave it wi11 u then shut it off and went to bed.
So now what do i do i do sti11 1ove but my 1ife atm is moving so far away from him and so much nuttiness i just cant dea1 with that to1d him that too i need norma1ity he said he does too which is why hes not getting back with me 1ike im the nutty one what is this thats going on with him is this a1choho1 or what causing this menta1 stuff i mean has he 1ost his marb1es and wi11 he ever be norma1 again any thoughts on this 1ong post wi11 be appreciated xxxxx