Exactly what I meant to say....God knows after being with 2 A's for a total of more than 45 years, I am sure I am not the woman I would have been, had I stayed with my husband and he had not become the A he did. He may still be alive, and I would never have been thru the hell of 18 years with RABF.
So with the A, even if he becomes a staunch AA follower, because he knows how close relapse is and carries baggage from the old days. He may be a lovely recovering A, but he may not be the man you want him to be. This is what I mean by him not ever being the regular, standard boyfriend you say you wish he was.
I know many recovered and happy A's, married and successful, but each knows what lurks inside, ready and waiting to jump out at the first opportunity.
God bless