It is interesting that I came home to find this post since I was "wondering" a bit earlier about having a drink. I had stopped at the shoppette and picking up some coffee and wandered over to the alcohol aisle. I passed through the aisles and as I walked through....well I was feeling really good. Most everyday has been awesome since I was off the sauce. Not the social drink or two 1x a week or something but the I can't help myself from wanting it that I stock up on bottles or boxes to ensure I don't run out....kinda drinking.
I got some great news today and man I wanted to celebrate with a happy frosty. Oh a rum and coke was on my mind and I was licking my lips at the thought. I know the worst of it.....I know I will die if I continue with the binge but maybe I had learned my lesson and I could control it.
Maybe I wouldn't relapse but become that social drinker I once was. I have a great marriage, now a teaching job, things are looking up......I wouldn't need that crutch called alcohol.
I walked to the register with the coffee in hand and no alcohol. Why? Because all of these things that are great in my life are because of sobriety not alcohol. I would be f*cking lying up the wassszoooo (pardon the language) if I don't want a drink now. I feel fantastic and once upon a time alcohol was fun....it was responsible and it was enjoyable and relaxing. Somehow that all changed and I will not risk my health, my life ever again.
This is my recovery. This is an everyday awareness that I can not slip. I came to "soberrecovery" to seek support for sobriety. I have found that and am sober. I have tried to control it and well I just don't want to risk it.
I think most people can change. If someone comes to a support site for sobriety then they usually want to rid alcohol from their life for good reason.
I can't find fault with anyone being critical of someone thinking they can control it. I guess most of us have been in the denial stage or the testing stage before they realized that their lives are much better sober.
I respect you FMD for being open with us about what you are feeling and having a back up plan if it doesn't work. You are amongst a supportive community and we will be there for you as you continue your journey.
All I can say is that for anyone who returns to drinking after being able to go through a sober period (no one is here if they didn't think they had some kind of problem) that they drink responsibly and stay off the roads if they drink.
So there is my two cents.
Wish everyone the best.