hi rollerderbygirl-
perhaps your sleeplessness and anxiety are signs that you already know the answer to your own dilemna?
and i ask, what is the rush? if you don't feel comfortable leaving your hometown and going to live with him, then you certainly don't have to! if you don't feel comfortable getting married in october, then you don't have to.
people are allowed to change their mind.
it would seem reasonable to me that you should be able to communicate your reservations to the man you are about to become partners with. if you can not, then that would be something to look at.
you could say something like:
"AF, i've decided to stay here for now because i have concerns about being dependent on you since you have a drinking problem, a cocaine problem, a lying problem and you gave me an std. these are all big deals to me and i need some time to go to therapy and look at these things".
now, a reasonable person would understand this, as it is a huge list of very serious things. one of these things alone would be enough for many people to walk.
however, our alcoholics tend to minimize everything or pretend it didn't happen at all and that we are the crazy ones for being bothered by these things.
you are in a good position, that you are settled, not living with him and don't have any children to him.
if you go and live with him, it will probably be much harder to get clear of him when he does the next thing to break your trust.
i agree with everyone here. run. and run now while you can do so with minimal damage to your life.
you are on the right track with therapy and alanon. why not take this time now to explore these issues with your group and your therapist?
naive