What is a marriage on paper? It's not legal or binding is it? My advice is to RUN, RUN, RUN from this man. It doesn't sound like you love this man, it sounds more like you are addicted to him and his chaos. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone you cannot trust. Maybe you need to spend some time with just yourself figuring out what you truly want. Sounds like you have bounced from one man to another for quite a while and that in itself is not healthy. Marriage between the two of you just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.