for me, the neediness of being loved, wanted, or needed, caused me to lose myself, and not set boundaries. the other person was always more important. so i would twist myself, do things against my value system (sometimes), not express my anger - all in an attempt to not make him angry, not make him react, not make him not love me. so it makes sense that when i did stand up for myself, i would feel guilt, because there was this little voice inside telling me i was doing something wrong. i mean, i knew in my head it wasn't wrong, but it was counter to what i was used to doing: putting him first, even if that meant doing things that weren't good, right, or smart.
we have to relearn, reprogram ourselves. one day it will start to feel more comfortable, then another day it will feel normal. then one day, you won't be able to believe how you used to be.