Thanks Guys! Went to church with a friend today for the first time in years, will go to an old NA meeting I used to like yers ago when I went and if I find it to be the same sit. as the other nights meeting its off to NA for, after a lot of thining with an abviously much clearer head I think A may have been my bigger problem for me b/c that always lead me to craving and doing the N's.
I will keep looking and thank you all for your responses and that was exactly my plan, just keep going and looking, I dont thnk the church I went to today was the "right" one for me either but I still enjoyes it, my 3 and 1/2 daughter LOVED it and I know its the best gift I could have given both her and I for Mothers day EVER!
I went to the church service with a friend of mine (who uses but got to a point he told me I was out of control that he wouldnt use with me anymore and I feel bad b/c I did start him on the really bad stuff) I know he is a grwn man and makes his own choices (and he tells me that too) but I also know he NEVER would have gone the further step I tookk him too if I hadnt introduced him to it but thats what my BIL did for me and I dont blame him, I always had an interest and it ws my decision so I blme no one but myself and I am not expecting anyone to "fix " me but me but I also know I cant do it alone, but I already feel much better just to be on the path.
Today is day 1 NO drinking s I did have one big beer yesterday and they dont sell here on sunday but I became a mess (mixing it with narcs) and upset my husband and I had gotten a couple beeers for today and flushed them after doing what I did to my husband and letting my daughter see me that way.
So b/c of the small steps I am taking I can see the good things already happening. I dont feel too bad today, luckily I have been able to be distracted all morning w. church and lunch and its mothes day so my husband (he would anyway hes very sweet and supportive although he has Narc issues of his own but their his but his eyes are much more open to htem now seeing what I am trying to do)
I can see things already happening in my life b/c for lunch we went with my freinds mom (that uses) but his wife and brother and new baby (1 week old , and 3 weeks early, sooooo cute!) and they invited me to their church next week which is right near me and MUCH smaller and intimate and invited me to church with them next week! So thats how God works, putting the right people in your path as soon as you start to reach out. ITs amazing.
As far as WD's today, afther this mornings mothers day festivities, I am SUPER tired, super thirsty, have a mega headache, but thats about it and I know it chould/could be much worse for as much a I drank and for so many years. I have felt so much worse when I just tried to stop on my own before and KNOW iots becase I am at least taking steps and reaching out to God its not so bad. I am not a reeligious person by far although I sound like one, but maybe I need to be
I am long winded, a rambler, right now, whos kidding myself, oh myself I am always like this sorry, I prefer the word detailed.
Good luck to those in crisis right now, I hope this helps you in some way. I know I havent done much of anyhting yet but the little I have done has helkped SO very much I know it can for you too so if your strugginling with alcohol or any other addicction, just do something, go to a meeting, read a book about addiction (alhtough for me thats a huge trigger but I keep doing it anyway) go to churchm tlak to people, and watch what begins to happen. Its amazing.
I hope I still feel this way tomorrow
I am pretty sure I will! <3 Dreams