Where is this? I hvae been ALL OVER THIS SITE and dont believe I have ever seen it. Im down to pledge.
Well its about the time I start drinking and I feel extremely paranoid. Paranoid I will get in trouble for the things I used to do or someone will come to take my daughter away (shes at daycare) but I am scared someone is going to take her from there. She has not been neglected but I owuld say ovbiously though this last couple weeks of binging and leaving my HUSBAND to do and hide EVERYTHING and working long hours out in the hot sun, I wouold say her hygeine and bathing is at about 80% of what it used to be so I am afraid someone from her school reported me or something. I know there are probably kids there a lot worse off and I am so sorry for having let her EVEr go 1 day with out a bath and NEVER plan on doing that agian b/c I plan on being sober to do it.
I had spinal fusion surgery almost 2 years ago, and as the old story goes, thats how I got hooked which escaleted to shooting, never thought I would ever do that as I looked so down on it, but it got me and good and alcohol too.
I know this is just paranoia and these thoughts are mainly irrational and have to do with quitting drinking and I usually push them away with meds of pills but since I am no longer doing that I dont know what to think and I am very very scared of these feelings and am trying so hard not to let my actions of late popo into my and and move forward and cant get to an NA meeting un til tomorrow, so until them Ill be here just writing b/c thats what I have to do.
SR got me (and NA, except for my ENTIRE pregnancy) 30 days 3-4 timeds of my entire adult life. I have not done it right, nbever got a sponser quick enoug, never shared enough, never even giot past step 1.
After this bing and compined with my escalated use and shooting I know I am going to die, I am saving my life today.
I am also EXTREMELY hungly like my body needs those beer calories and its 8AM and if a pizza place was open I would order one and eat the whole thing to feel some satisfaction right now. Last night was the first night I made my poor husband and daughter a proper dineer and it was soooo good and I want more! Of Food which I have neglected to eat properly or at all for a couple years now. I used to love cooking (or was at least forcing myself to love it
it def. doesnt come naturally to me (liking cooking that is) but like everything else (when sober enough) I am pretty good at doing whatevere I put my mind do and have even done some preatty amazing thing while drunk and high but not nearly as drunk and high as I have been this past year or so.
I guess my body is telling me to eat so I shall go eat. HA I wonder if anyone is going to seriously be reasing all of my lentghty posts today.
Thanks not the point anyway I just need to write this is mmy lifeline for today.
<3 Dreams