Thanks Joe, what you just said made me realize I've only accepted it partially, like I've accepted he's in a total denial about his alcoholism, and thus will not stop, but I can't accept he's so close to literally killing himself right now. But you can't have partial acceptance of something, can you? You either accept something for what it is, or you don't. So I guess I haven't managed to put all the dots together just yet. Like he's always one step ahead of me.
And also you're so right when you said he's grown numb to threats. And I know it, and yet I keep making them. And the worst thing is I know I'm not going to get anywhere with it, I just go mental and can't control myself. And everytime it stars feeling like I've reached some peace and detached, I keep pulling myself back in.
I have to take this as a bump of my road to recovery and keep moving in a good direction.
I have to remove myself and our kids from this situation.