not good
i've taken a second job doing work-at-home type of stuff. i have a friend who works for that company and he says i do the best work. my immediate report at that job says likewise.
i was supposed to turn something in yesterday in the morning, and it didn't happen. my primary job sent me out of town so it was excused. i absolutely had to do the work last night though.
i was leaving my primary job to go home and finish up my secondary job, when i jokingly asked a coworker if he wanted to get a couple of drinks. it was a joke because this guy is the wussiest drinker i've ever met, and it was early in the day, and i didn't think he'd go for it.
"well, it'll get me out of here early." WOW! i suddenly lost all motivation to do the work i had to do.
"i'll have 3 or 4 beers and go home and do the work," i told myself, knowing deep down that wasn't going to happen. and of course neither happened
so i called out of my primary job this morning to finish up what i was supposed to do. i got about 1/2 done and i sent an email with the work i completed so far. the response was positive - i work hard, and so they tolerated a little bit of lateness, and the other 1/2 of work i was supposed to do can be done whenever i felt like.
so there was no serious impact.
but this is a huge first - my drinking seriously affected my performance at work. specifically, non-performance. sure, for years i've shown up hung over now and again, and rarely i'd go to the bathroom and puke at 9:00 AM after an enthusiastic night of drinking, but this is the first time i've missed a deadline. and i didn't even miss it, i bricked it - i had nothing done when i was supposed to have something done.
this is not good.
last night, i was terribly depressed. it's not that i missed the deadline, it's a good friend of mine stuck up for me, vouched for me, assuming i'd do fantastic work (which so far i have), and i totally let him down. i was almost balling in my bed at what i had done to him. i possible damaged his reputation at work - today, i find out that i didn't do that, but still, it's like *now* i've become a degenerate drinker
and tonight - same thing. after i got a "pass" with my boss, i immediately clocked out of my main job and went to the bar. and here i am... pressing my luck. with everyone. and i still feel ******.
i really thought i was under control but this is a huge red flag, even to me. i need to do something. honestly, quitting drinking altogether and forever doesn't seem realistic to me. i'm young and all of my friends go to bars. i need to control myself when i'm drunk. but when i'm drunk i dont' want to be controlled. what's the solution here?
sorry if this post doesn't make sense, i've had a few... sorry...