Tam,
My exah was addicted to heroin and at one point he thought wearing this patch would allow him to wean himself off the heroin. It didn't work for alot of reasons...mostly because my exah wasn't 'done' drugging yet.
your ah is going to do what he's going to do. But checking up on him (thru your brother), logging into his insurance account, and keeping tabs on what he is doing is doing absolutely NOTHING to help YOU.
Tam, I say this with love in my heart...you've got to LET GO. Let go of your ah and let him do whatever he is going to do. There is nothing you can do or say that will make him do the 'right thing' (whatever that is in your eyes). The only person you can control and the only person you are responsible for is YOU.
Say a prayer for your AH...offer him up to the care of your HP...and focus all this energy on yourself.