Hello
Hello.
I am not really sure what to say. I have a drinking a problem. I started drinking in the early 90s but have only been drinking heavily since 2000 (close to a bottle of vodka each day most days more with the exception of 60 days or so). I was hospitalized due to my liver condition (among other health problems) in 2007; after the blood tests/ultrasound/ct scans a liver biopsy was arranged but I got scared and cancelled it. I've had several health incidents since then. I quit two times (2009 14 days, 2010 40 days). During the 90s I had other substance abuse problems. I started drinking to overcome other abuses and it did help greatly for the first few years.
I currently have very few friends left. My immediate family members are also having alcohol related problems; mother (she is beyond help) & younger brother (quit college almost ten years ago, currently unemployed, sleeps during the day and drinks during his waking hours). My father died 15 years ago after drinking for 40+ years and I miss him and wish I didn't treat him the way I did during his final years.
I wake up, get to work, get back home, drink vigorously until I feel ok for 30-60 mins (not drunk just ok), I can make notes of important things I have to attend or do or make plans or whatever and then I drink some more till I pass out. I have this system I always make sure I buy something to eat before I get home and I always try to eat something before going to sleep but I usually don't get to that point.
I don't think I've been drinking long enough to feel this awful, my symptoms are mostly psychological but still it is really annoying and I feel really sick some times. I do not need medical attention or pharmaceuticals or meetings. I am quite certain I can deal with this myself. I try to avoid doctors as much as possible, 2010 and I'm still feeling pretty healthy.
Well that's about it. I have been working on this post for some time now writing a few lines each day copy paste deleting rewriting then forgeting about it. Today I was supposed to not drink, I decided this a year ago, I woke up early and felt as sick as usual, walked around the block several times and I felt worse. I walked some more. Perhaps I could have called or visit a friend but I didn't feel like it. Spent some time sitting on a bench and walked around as much as I could until I decided that it wasn't worth it and bought myself a bottle and started drinking earlier than usual.
I am currently drinking again and I hope I am not violating any forum policies, I am not sure at the moment.
Anyway thank you for your time.