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Old 05-02-2010, 10:34 AM
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Hello

Hello.

I am not really sure what to say. I have a drinking a problem. I started drinking in the early 90s but have only been drinking heavily since 2000 (close to a bottle of vodka each day most days more with the exception of 60 days or so). I was hospitalized due to my liver condition (among other health problems) in 2007; after the blood tests/ultrasound/ct scans a liver biopsy was arranged but I got scared and cancelled it. I've had several health incidents since then. I quit two times (2009 14 days, 2010 40 days). During the 90s I had other substance abuse problems. I started drinking to overcome other abuses and it did help greatly for the first few years.

I currently have very few friends left. My immediate family members are also having alcohol related problems; mother (she is beyond help) & younger brother (quit college almost ten years ago, currently unemployed, sleeps during the day and drinks during his waking hours). My father died 15 years ago after drinking for 40+ years and I miss him and wish I didn't treat him the way I did during his final years.

I wake up, get to work, get back home, drink vigorously until I feel ok for 30-60 mins (not drunk just ok), I can make notes of important things I have to attend or do or make plans or whatever and then I drink some more till I pass out. I have this system I always make sure I buy something to eat before I get home and I always try to eat something before going to sleep but I usually don't get to that point.

I don't think I've been drinking long enough to feel this awful, my symptoms are mostly psychological but still it is really annoying and I feel really sick some times. I do not need medical attention or pharmaceuticals or meetings. I am quite certain I can deal with this myself. I try to avoid doctors as much as possible, 2010 and I'm still feeling pretty healthy.

Well that's about it. I have been working on this post for some time now writing a few lines each day copy paste deleting rewriting then forgeting about it. Today I was supposed to not drink, I decided this a year ago, I woke up early and felt as sick as usual, walked around the block several times and I felt worse. I walked some more. Perhaps I could have called or visit a friend but I didn't feel like it. Spent some time sitting on a bench and walked around as much as I could until I decided that it wasn't worth it and bought myself a bottle and started drinking earlier than usual.

I am currently drinking again and I hope I am not violating any forum policies, I am not sure at the moment.

Anyway thank you for your time.
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:09 AM
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Occam - I really am feeling for you right now, and I'm really sorry to hear what alcohol has done to your family. It sounds like you're willing to start again, or you wouldn't be posting. I had to start out praying to be "willing to be willing" at first because I didn't really want to quit - I just wanted the pain to stop. I've had alot of attempts to quit drinking (hundreds if not thousands) and right now I'm only on Day 2. I've been putting off going to the doctor for a couple years, because I've been afraid to find out if alcohol has done damage to my health. For the past few years, I've probably spent at least 2 days a week in bed with a hangover. Lately, it's been more like 3 or 4. The hangovers are coming more frequently and lasting longer. I know what direction this is going in, and frankly, I don't think I'd be able to support myself by this time next year if I continue the way I'm going. I could probably play it out a little longer, teach myself an even bigger lesson, after all, I'm not dead YET. The ironic thing is that when I got sober 20 years ago, I was only drinking a 6-pack a day and I thought I had a real problem back then. We just keep stretching the boundaries, you know? The suffering WILL continue to get worse - it's not like we're going to find some brand new way of drinking without consequences.

Thank you for your post. I'm sending prayers your way.
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Old 05-02-2010, 12:23 PM
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Hi Occam. Welcome. There are many people who can help you here. I myself am very new to this, like you.

You say: "I do not need medical attention or pharmaceuticals or meetings. I am quite certain I can deal with this myself."

Please be cautious if you do decide to cease drinking, since withdrawal can be very dangerous.
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Old 05-02-2010, 12:37 PM
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(((Occam))) welcome to SR!! I also have to recommend that you please don't totally discount medical attention. Your body is used to alcohol and withdrawals CAN be fatal. One common side effect is an extreme rise in blood pressure which can lead to a stroke...or worse.

I do know of some people who have managed to find recovery using SR as a main source of support (along with whatever f2f friends/family/etc. they have), I just want you to be aware of the health dangers. I've used SR, friends, and a few family members as my main source of support (though I did go to meetings for about 6 months in the distant past and do use what I learned there) and recently passed 3 years clean...there are some terrific people here and I'm glad you've joined us!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 05-02-2010, 01:50 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us and that you have posted.

I know that I became very isolated during my drinking days and it was wonderful to come here and to be able to talk to people who understand. If you decide to stop drinking, I hope you will talk to your dr because it can be dangerous. There is lots of support and information here, so keep reading and posting.
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Old 05-02-2010, 02:17 PM
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Hey Occam. I would worry about trying to do this all on your own. I'm a very headstrong person and I figured I could do it on my own and after a few years of trying to stop/moderate I had to admit that I needed help. It's a tough thing to admit for people like us but quitting (as you know) is like climbing Everest.
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Old 05-02-2010, 02:21 PM
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Hi Occam,

I'm happy you found the courage to post, there are great people here with lots of experience, please consider their advice.
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Old 05-02-2010, 02:27 PM
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Hi Occam
Welcome to SR

I think reaching out here is a great first step.

I don't want to harp on this but I also hope you reconsider seeing a doctor - withdrawal can sometimes be tricky.

I 'didn't need a doctor' either - now 3 years after my unassisted detox, I'm still dealing with its effects (mini strokes)

Detox problems are not something that happens to everyone, but they do happen.

D

Last edited by Dee74; 05-02-2010 at 02:42 PM.
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Old 05-02-2010, 02:41 PM
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I don't think I've been drinking long enough to feel this awful

I don't think it depends on how long you've been drinking or what you drink or how much, it boils down to what happens to you when you drink. I hope you can see a doctor for a safe detox. I also hope we can provide the support and information you need to live a sober life. It takes effort and some sacrifice to stay sober but the rewards are worth it.
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Old 05-02-2010, 03:36 PM
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Hi Occam,

That's pretty impressive you were able to quit drinking for 40 days this year !

I was wondering if you started feeling noticeably better, ....and also, was it 40 days in a row ?

I basically had a similiar routine as you, ....making sure I had some food before I would eventually pass out. My one meal a day.

Anyway , welcome to this forum,......... and I hope you'll check back in and tell us how it's going for you.
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Old 05-02-2010, 03:41 PM
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Occam welcome !
You can beat it.
Many here have and they will help and support you on the way.
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