That's quite a post, hal. Sounds like a terrible situation with the girlfriend. My only advice specific to her would be to see how you feel about this woman when you are sober. I know that sounds like hollow advice, but trust me, after a year of personal sobriety, there are many people in my life -- or who were in my life -- with whom I can't imagine socializing with anymore. There's just nothing there! We had nothing in common but booze, and I was every bit as responsible for that situation as they were.
Truth be told, I probably would not have married my wife it weren't for alcohol. I'm ashamed to say that booze was a factor in my early relationship with her. She drank, another girl I was dating at the time did not, so I spent more time with the former. And eventually married her. Now, don't get me wrong, I love her, she loves me, and we have a great little family. But there are issues in our marriage now because I no longer drink. Some of those issues involve me seeing her in a different light, and it's something we (I) need to work through. I'm not saying sobriety is reason to eventually leave your girlfriend, but I definitely think it's in your longterm best interest to view your relationship through sober eyes before you commit longterm, if that's where you think it might be headed. Bottom line, your sobriety should come first.