Thanks guys for all the post!! Christen my feelings are not hurt at all from your post. I totally agree, my attitude definitely doesn't help. It makes perfect sense. I know it is just not him. I guess I just wished and hoped he would see my point of view for once.
It is hard to let go of resentment towards paying all the bills, taking care of our kids, and cleaning the house. On top of that, when he has bad day or episode, I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him. How is that fair? I just feel like the whole world has to revolve around him and what is important to him? What about me and what is important to me? I basically just have to suck it up and go on. Over period of time it just gets to me.
I am pretty much an open book with him and I need to learn to stop that. The last time we had a fight over his addiction was when he was messed up at family function on Easter! Guess what, he was fine just tired! I knew better and told him after he decided enough to sober up he had to get help. He is next week but still taking his pills (as prescribed according to him). He has had a valid reason for pain pills just taking triple the amount prescribed daily. According to him, he is taking as directed now. He already has said he doesn't know if he will be able to quit completely b/c of his injury (how does he know if he doesn't try, right? Excuse, isn't it?) I will give him credit he hasn't seemed messed up last 3 weeks. I am just waiting for it to happen again b/c it always does. Not much faith, huh! Then last week I had a snag in my schedule and asked him to pick up our kids. He asked if I could see if someone else could, if not he would. Then Friday on my day off, I had to get up and get our son ready for school while he laid in the bed. He just doesn't see that his selfish behavior hurts my feelings and makes me feel that I am not important. I guess it is the small things sometimes that get to me. That's what caused my most recent out burst.
I wonder if I am wanting something he can't give me. I just want normal life with someone that I can depend on to help me. I feel like that isn't asking to much.
One thing that did help me was the sticky up top about what addicts do! That explains a lot.
Thanks again everybody!